Anything is Possible

My Soapbox

2010-03-05T09:37:00.003-05:00

Last night I watched "The Cove", a documentary on the dolphin slaughters in Japan. The movie was amazing yet very, very sad. From September to March Japanese fishermen scare dolphins into the perfect cove. They then separate them from their babies with nets. The next day, trainers arrive and pick the dolphins that look pretty enough to become performers. The remaining dolphins are corralled to a cove unseen by curious onlookers and are slaughtered. ---For meat which happens to have toxic levels of mercury and should not be eaten. Sadly this meat is sold as tuna. It's horrible. But it's happening. Not just in Japan but also in Norway.

Until I watched the movie, I didn't think something so horrible could happen. I thought animal cruelty groups wouldn't allow slaughtering to occur. It seems dolphins aren't really protected and/or the Japanese are able to find loop holes in the system. It wouldn't be so easy for them to do if more people knew exactly what they were up to. If you haven't seen "The Cove", you should rent it. And then tell others to watch it too.

Wisdom from a toddler

2010-02-28T19:27:00.003-05:00

BB says some of the funniest stuff...ever. I've never met anyone funnier than my child. Well, maybe my husband. Maybe. In the midst of all the funny phrases he comes up with, he has one phrase he repeats a lot.

"The man's got to do what the man's got to do."

Yeah, it's not completely correct but so what. Since hearing him repeat this almost like a mantra whenever he comes across something difficult or he accomplishes something that makes him proud, I've started using it almost like a mantra too.

It's really kind of empowering.

This is how it usually works its way in:

9:00 most evenings the kids are in bed but I'm still catching up on laundry. I don't usually have the energy but push myself through. Occasionally I use his phrase because a 'man's got to take care of himself too'.

When I don't really feel like working out but know I'll feel better if I do.... the phrase almost lifts my ass off the couch once I've spoken those words.

Or sometimes when I know I shouldn't have a piece of chocolate but denying yourself sweet treats ALL the time is just wrong and leads to binge eating... the phrase makes it okay to have one treat. But only one.

Or like now when the kids are toeing the line between good and awful and are begging for a later bedtime. The phrase once again lets me know that I should salvage my sanity instead of catering to their desires.

'The man's got to do what the man's got to do.'

All in a day's work.

2010-02-22T12:34:00.005-05:00

I've been filling out military forms for the new GI Bill transferability thing. And I must say, the military always using the lowest bidder for website design just sucks. Could that damn form be any more difficult?? Yes it could be, thank goodness it isn't. I have a feeling this works in their favor. I'm sure others have gotten so frustrated and decided not to seek free benefits. Not me. I'm powering through.

We're also searching for a new sitter/nanny. Nothing is going our way. Instead of freaking out and giving myself a migraine, I'm going to empower "The Secret". Let me just visualize the perfect sitter arriving every day and let's watch it happen. While I'm at it, I'll also visualize a free education. Why not, right. The author says the universe is just waiting for me to do this.

Living with an old dog tests my patience every hour. I say every hour because that's how often I let him out to the bathroom. This is Jas's dog. He's about 11-12 years old and as senile as they come. Did I mention he's a wiener dog?? Cute, loyal, dumb as a rock, great with the kids, and known to be stubborn on purpose. Here's an example: Due to the mess little Goose makes, Jas solved the problem by crating him all day except for bathroom breaks. So, Goo repaid me (not quite fair) by doing his thing in the crate. Was Jas home to clean the crate?? Nope. I repaid Goose with a trip to the vet to see if they could A)fix the problem with medication; or B) let him 'forever sleep'. Ultimately Goose won because the vet thinks we just need to spend more time with him. In turn, I put a crate in Jas's office so HE can spend time with his dog. That last grand idea of mine lasted a whole 2 days. Goose and I are back to hourly outdoor visits and I'm constantly cooing his good behavior. Goose and I have been in this vicious cycle before. He wins me back over and then while we have a playgroup at the house, he poops under the train table. It's truly a love/hate thing with Goo.

The greatest feeling this week... our master bathroom (mold central) still works and is mold-free. On the flip side (because there is always a flip side with us), the outlets near and inside the bathroom emit a burning smell if you're silly enough to use them to dry your hair. Again, I'm so glad we did not buy this big ass money pit.

The kids are thriving. Baby Al finally packed on weight and eats everything in sight. She runs to the fridge and says, 'EAT, FOOD'. Seeing this makes me happy.

We made a difficult decision to suspend Bug's private speech therapy lessons. I felt he viewed the therapist as a friend and wasn't showing $100 worth of improvement each week. He still attends the free speech therapy through the elementary school near our home. He can now easily say 'v, c, k' words. I don't even have to remind him about tongue placement, he does it all by himself. Again, hearing this makes me so happy.

I guess my motto this week should be, you win some and you lose some. As long as I come out ahead it's a good week.

Dinner Conversation with Bug

2010-01-29T17:38:00.003-05:00

BB: Is Al my daughter?

Me: No, she's my daughter.

BB: When will I have a daughter?

Me: When you get a little older and you have a wife.

BB: I already have a life.

Me: A Wife.

BB: I want a brother.

He's not giving up on this whole brother thing. Just getting more creative with bringing it up.

Bug Zingers

2009-11-25T08:51:00.002-05:00

I had to share (before I forget them).

We've been listening to Christmas music while eating lunch. I don't condone this before Thanksgiving, but the rainy weather demanded some holiday cheer.

"Celebrate Me Home" by Kenny Loggins was on the radio. Bug sang, "Silly Bring Me Home". Next time it's on the radio listen closely. I think Bug's lyrics are much better. We've been ad libbing ever since.

BB asked for more lemonade from across the house (pet peeve of mine). I yelled back he'd had plenty. His response, "I know I'm pretty. I need more lemonade!".

Every day he asks what day it is and where are we going. Today we're going to speech therapy. He said, "That's going to suck".

Me - "That's a bad word."

Him - "I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to myself."

Distubed

2009-11-23T13:35:00.003-05:00

I'm disturbed. For several reasons.

Picture this:

Giant Grocery store.

Me-walking inside.

A toddler pushing the cute little cart for kids with the huge green flag straight out of the store, down the cart ramp into the middle of the freaking road. Alone.

A cart collector with gaping mouth.

An elderly woman with gaping mouth.

Two phrases keep repeating in my mind...WTF and Where is his mother?

Being a responsible parent, I beckon the child back into the alcove of the store and out of traffic. Does he respond to me? Hell no. I'm a stranger. And being in traffic is fun.

Therefore I walk inside the door, spot a motherly type chit chatting, and bang on the window. She reluctantly takes time away from her important conversation with the Giant worker and stares at me. I mouth, "Is that your son????" while frantically pointing at the tot in traffic. She rolls her fucking eyes and says yes. She then nonchalantly walks out of the store and meets her son in traffic.

After thinking maybe I overreacted to the situation, I glanced at the other shoppers and am reassured by my crazed plan to save the boy. Shock and Awe pretty much sums up the looks on everyone's face.

I wanted to turn her in to child services. I've never been one of those people. I'm just stunned by the dismissal she gave her son. He walked out of a store into a busy intersection and she didn't care. That poor poor child.

Bug Speak

2009-11-19T20:26:00.002-05:00

Since this is my journal...a list of Bug's cuteness.

"Al is a baby. I'm a own up (grown up). Babies can't drink soda but own ups can." He drinks IZZE soda which is really carbonated water and fruit juice. Whatever gets us through the day.

When asked what he could do to help after dinner he replied, "Don't talk?". Maybe he'll pass this tidbit on to his dad. That would be so helpful.

I asked him a question about his vampire bat. His response, "Duh. You ij-i-dit. You iji-dit. Id. Idi."
Me - "Idiot?".
Him- "Yes! Idiot!"
Me- Shocked. I'm going to have to watch Spongebob. I bet he uses that word.

BB- My rap is done.
Me- Huh?
BB points to his zipper.
Me- Your zipper is down OR your trap is open.
Great. He's already showing signs of mixing up phrases and words; a source of constant embarrassment for me.

After being sent to bed early for bad behavior, I was on my way out for a girls' night out. BB comes to the top of the steps and says, "Oh bate (great). I was sleeping and you woke me up. Bate (great), now I awake. I'm coming down there to watch TV."
Me- dumbfounded. He's so darn smart. And really good at turning things we say around and using them to his advantage.

To step in, or to not step in. That is the question.

2009-10-26T09:31:00.002-04:00

Nanny days are awesome. She's great with the kids. They love her in return. They play. They laugh a lot. They learn quite a bit, including some spanish words which I consider a bonus. Everyone comes out a winner, especially me. I get shit done while she's here.

Today while up in my office doing important things, like Facebooking, I heard BB scream at the nanny to "knock off", "that's what you tink", "I'll do it if I want toooo", and finally "KNOCK OFF". I have faith in her abilities to handle any situation but what do I do when I hear my child being a complete brat? He knows better than to talk to anyone this way. We all know he knows better. So, do I go downstairs and tread on the nanny's ground. Or do I let her handle it?

You be the judge

2009-10-08T20:48:00.002-04:00

From Bug's Preschool Teacher:

Week 1:

Upon entering the classroom with his bucket in my hand: "BB needs to carry his own bucket".

FYI- His preschool requires kids to bring buckets. Not the cute little buckets you're thinking of. Big a** mop buckets. Think 10 gallon. They get to decorate them but they are expected to carry them from the car into the school.

Week 2:

During pickup, I was pulled aside and informed that Bug and another boy wouldn't line up after the whistle was blown. They weren't immediately punished therefore they did it again during the next playground time. I was told that if it happened again they would spend playground time in the office. I completely agreed with this punishment. We use the same philosophy at home.

Week 3: I arrived early to preschool for pickup. BB was hanging out alone on the playground looking extremely sad. When the whistle was blown, he lined up but slower than the other kids. I watched the teacher take the shoulder area of his coat and jerk him into line. Not cool in my book.

During the ride home, he said he got in trouble 3 times for not using 'pretzel legs' (Indian style seating).

Week 4: Upon dropping BB off at class, we were running behind but not late. I carried his bucket inside because I didn't want him to fall with that darn bucket weighing him down. His teacher did not say Good Morning instead said "BB, you need to carry your bucket'.

Yes, we get it. The boy should carry his bucket. Couldn't you say good morning before lecturing? Not cool again in my book.

Obviously I'm keeping a list. I'm so tempted to talk to the director because I feel we're treated differently. I hate to say it's because we aren't members of the church where BB attends preschool. It's been a month and I keep thinking his teacher is having a bad day... every Tuesday and Thursday it seems. My plan is to watch the other kids and see if she treats them differently also. Then I'm taking my list and making an appointment with the director. Aren't all kids, hyper or calm viewed the same in the eyes of God? Thought so.

Let's hear it for the birds........

2009-09-25T15:54:00.002-04:00

While walking from the car to the house, a bird shat on me. It landed right on my front pants pocket. How does that even happen? I was wearing a jacket. Totally missed my head, glasses, nose, jacket and landed right on my front pocket. I can only venture to guess that it happened this way because I've lost weight.

Yes! CrossFit is the BEST workout ever. It's worth the money. It's worth the industrial looking warehouse turned gym. It's worth suffering through summers with no A/C. It's even worth the pre-workout diarrhea days dreading the intense, damn difficult WOD. I'm so glad I got off that stupid elliptical trainer and joined my CrossFit gym because I am finally getting the results I deserve. And tomorrow is Fight Gone Bad day. I'm so nervous about that workout, the pre-workout diarrhea has already begun.

Lemons

2009-08-24T21:17:00.004-04:00

It's been how long? Where the hell have I been? And what have I been doing? June 7th was my last post and it's August 24th. Well friends, I've been contemplating life. When life throws you lemons what do you do?

Most important contemplation and the biggest lemon...Al was (mostly) diagnosed with neurofibromatosis. Back up, when she was one month old she started getting cafe au lait spots all over her body. (Cafe au lait spots = similar to birth marks the color of coffee with cream.) More than six or seven large ones are usually enough for a diagnosis of neurofibromatosis (NF1). She has 9 large ones at last count and many smaller ones. She's had 2 MRI's, a CT scan, an EEG and several other fun medical tests. All of which were clear. One would normally breathe a huge sigh of relief. Well, NF1 is a waiting game. She could develop more symptoms over time or live her life with just cafe au lait spots. For now, we wait. I took one whole day to wallow. Now we're proactive and dealing with whatever comes our way. This month it's low muscle tone and no weight gain. Are they related to NF1? Maybe. No one really knows for sure which is why Al is in the NF1 research study. I know I could've used more positive information on this disease. For fun, just google NF1 and take a look at the photos that come up. I sound bitter but I'm not. I never was. Just worried about my girl. Dealing with something like this will change your perspective on life. It's made me a better person. I worry a lot less about the little things and more about the important stuff.

We took our first family vacation this summer. We packed up and drove 3 hours to Philadelphia for Sesame Place. Great time! The kids experienced water slides, roller coasters, cotton candy, super long twisty suckers, and lots of tomfoolery!

Bug learned lots of new words while on vacation. He has mastered the use of sh**, da*n it, and fu**. He really gets a lot of variety out of the f-word. There's 'f-in' and insert any type of toy you can imagine. Sometimes he throws out a plain ole 'fu**' if something doesn't go his way. On occasion he's insisted his sister hurry up and get in the 'f-in' car. It's just great. I've tried explaining that it's a horrible word but that didn't work. Now I'm trying to ignore it or take away treats. Did I mention he starts a Methodist preschool in a few weeks? We could get kicked out before he has a chance to catch the flu.

It doesn't seem like I've done much with my summer but if you checked any of my three calendars you would notice that we don't have much down time. I cherish the mornings we don't have to be anywhere. It's rare for us to head out to Target just to have something to do. So to answer my own question, what to do when life throws lemons at you? Turn them around a few times to find the pretty side and then display the f***ers on your blog. And remember, if it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger.

Hello my friend, hello

2009-06-07T10:27:00.004-04:00

Go ahead and use your very best Neil Diamond voice, I dare you.

Facebook claims way too much of my blogger time. It's ridiculous. Well, no more. Now school will claim all of my free time.

Surprise, Surprise...I was offered a Fellowship Grant through Drexel's online school. The grant gives 30% off all classes as long as I am a part-time student. With two kids, I'd have to be superwoman to take more than two classes at a time and do well in them. The kicker just happens to require that I begin this summer. Just thinking about starting so soon gives me IBS. My brain is not ready. But my life is ready. Luckily, we found our nanny early and she 'fits' in our home quite nicely. Bug has been enrolled in preschool two days a week beginning in September. Combine that with two nanny days and we're set. In theory, I should have plenty of uninterrupted time to devote to school.

What has the child been up to? Thanks to him, I'm almost never embarrassed anymore. Anyone ever have days where you leave the house and check to make sure your pants are on? I do. I thought it would be really embarrassing to look down and lack pants. Turns out, after life with Bug that wouldn't be so embarrassing after all. Now we've entered the tooting stage. He can toot on demand and he does. In elevators, on benches while some poor random soul is inserting the child's foot in a pair of shoes, in Ikea while a sweet little lady is commenting on his cuteness, and during any other time where tooting would be inappropriate.

Random Bug comments:

Walking through an orchard after picking strawberries:

Bug: Mom, you have a big ole wien in your butt.

Me: (Looking stricken and very pale all of a sudden.)

Bug: I'm just kiddin', it's your camera.

Me: (Technically, the camera was in my back pocket.)

Jas yelling at Bug to go to his room because he was tormenting his sister.

Bug: I'm not scared of you. (As he sprints to his room.)

In the grocery store an older women is checking out produce:

Bug: Hey! Have you seen our baby? Isn't she cute?

At the diner after being seated:

Bug: See our baby? Hey, did you see our baby???!!!!

Talking to my mom (his momo) on the phone:

Bug: See our baby? She's so cute.

Thank goodness he loves his sister.

After knocking Alice to the floor and stealing her toy causing her to scream bloody murder...

Me: Go To Your Room.

Bug: How bout I kiss Alice and say sorry 3 times?

Me: Try it.

Alice: (Immediately soothed.)

On our way to a short errand Bug packed his backpack full of toys.

Alice: (Begins screaming in the car)

Bug: (Opens his bag of goodies and passes her a toy) Here you go Allie. Don't pie (cry).

Me: Did you bring any toys for you?

Bug: Nope. I didn't want her to pie in the car.

Me = melting heart.

Life is good.

Conquering Fears

2009-04-14T09:00:00.002-04:00

Resolutions made this year:

Focus on me.

How I've accomplished this so far:

Hired a nanny.

Dedicated at least three mornings a week to the gym.

Hired a personal trainer.

Applied to a master's program; got accepted; will start in September.

Next steps:

Conquering my fears.

My fears:

Running - Shin splints, side splitting pain, slamming my feet on pavement.

Murky water where I can't see the bottom or the big nasty fish lurking beneath the surface.

Scuba diving

Travelling new places alone with children in tow.

How I'm taking control:

This week starting to sprint on the treadmill. If I like it, who knows I might become a runner over time.

I decided to learn to scuba this week. Jas wants to windsurf together but that doesn't interest me in the least. After looking into scuba lessons I found most of the shops do beginner dives in quarries. FEAR QUARRIES!!! My chest closed up just reading about it. I think this fear will take more time to overcome because I'm not jumping into a quarry. Anyone seen 'Gone Baby Gone'? I quarrel with myself on whether or not I'd jump into a quarry to save someone else's child. I'd do it for my own in a heartbeat but I'd have to talk myself into doing it for someone else.

I'm seriously considering taking the kids on the Metro tomorrow to pick up my sis from the airport. That should count for travelling to new places alone with kids in tow. I hope no one needs a bathroom.

2009-04-09T21:05:00.003-04:00

I've been doing some thinking. (Run!!! Get out now!!!!) Jas and I are not happy in our rental house.

It's older than we initially thought.

If one too many things are plugged in to various outlets, a fuse blows. And blows. And blows. It doesn't even matter if you unplug that one thing. It will blow four to five times resulting in me scurrying down two flights of stairs to reset the fuse box. Anger always ensues. Not to mention the possibility of a FIRE. We hired an electrician to take a look and of course the whole house needs to be rewired. FYI- if you build on to a house, make sure the electrical stuff can handle the add-ons.

We have a pool but will have to pay for a pool fence in order to make it kid safe. Hint: this cost about $2000 in Florida and I'm sure the price is inflated some here in DC. The owners will not pay for this but we can take it with us when we leave. Oh, it will only benefit us if we have a pool again. Otherwise we'll have a random pool fence in the garage.

Carpets are old and need to be replaced. Obviously the owners aren't going to do that. It's a rental.

So I keep thinking that if we're going to be here for 4 years it makes sense to be happy in your house. Right? We have considered (seriously) looking for a foreclosure home to buy, fix up a bit and then possibly sell or rent when we leave here. There are some great deals out there. -I've been looking nonstop for two days at houses online. I just feel bad for taking advantage of someone else's misfortune. Is that crazy? It's a great time to buy. And I'm a sucker for a great deal. I usually buy shoes or bags but I can make exceptions for houses too.

Please pick me. PICK ME!

2009-03-18T20:16:00.003-04:00

A few weeks ago I applied to Drexel's information and library services master's program. I've been so nervous awaiting their response. At first, I believed my friends and family when they said I would get in without any problems. After the boosted ego went back to its normal state, I started to fret. Why would they pick me? I don't even have library experience. I just know it's what I want to do. Why would they allow me of all people to skip taking the GRE??

I only applied to one school. Drexel. Their program is completely online. They offer four different areas of study for the library services degree. They also allow applicants to skip the GRE if your previous GPA is above a certain number. Which is all perfect for me! I don't want to take the damn GRE. It's hard and I'm way out of practice on mathematics. Basically, all of my eggs were in one basket.

It paid off! They sent an acceptance email last night. I'm in. Yahtzee!!!!!!!!!!!

What did I do after calling my family and closest friends to share the news? Realized I've got to study my arse off and ended up chewing all of my fingernails off. Lovely.

Zingers

2009-03-12T16:14:00.002-04:00

Bug has been full of it lately. Here's a list of the zingers I can remember from this week.

Me: Trying to get him buckled in to his seat. "We do this rigamarole every day. Sit still."

Bug: Did you say cinnamon rolls? Yummm, I love cinnamon rolls.

Bug: I have an idea. A good idea. How bout Aldice and I play a game?

Me: She's too little to play with the games.

Bug: How bout I pour water on her head.

Me: Why would you do that?

Bug: So, she'll grow like a plant and get bigger like me.

After a long car ride home from the gym, Bug could tell I was agitated.

Bug: Good beef mommy. I'm worn out.

Translation: Good grief.

Me while picking up the kids from the gym play area: Hey Bug, who's your new friend?

Bug: This is sock shoe boy.

I have no idea about this one. Unless the kid's name is Joshua - that sounds a little like sock shoe boy. There's also a girl he refers to as purple girl. This sounds a little bit like a couple of superheros or a cartoon, right? Sock Shoe Boy and Purple Girl save the day!

Talk to the hand

2009-03-07T08:39:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I took the kids to the gym so they could play in the playground for a while. Before going inside I asked Bug our number 1 rule. He said, "No thumbs in my mouth". Yes! (He's a thumbsucker and we have picked up some nasty germs over the years.) There were lots of kids at the club so I knew they would have a great time. I worked out for an hour and came back to pick the kiddos up. I caught Bug slurping down some kid's bottled water. It seems we need to add a rule.

After our lunch, Bug held up his hand and told me to talk to his hand. I grabbed his hand and began a conversation. Then he asked me to talk to his ear. So I did. It wasn't until I reiterated all of this to Jas that I realized some girl probably held up her hand and told Bug to 'talk to the hand'. I imagine my son did what I did, grabbed the hand and began a conversation. After laughing each time I recounted the story to my mom and my sister I also felt a little bit like we failed the first of many 'cool' tests. Ah well, I wasn't cool until I embraced my inner nerd. Bug will probably be the same way.

In case you didn't know

2009-03-02T20:46:00.004-05:00

#1 Moon sand is dangerous. Don't ever EVER accidentally blow any of it in your eye. Bug accidentally blew some in his eye and ended up with abrasions around his eye...from rubbing. He also had extremely red eyes for three days. Moon sand now lives in the garage. We're saving it in case something strange happens to his eyes. It could be necessary in court. You just never know.

#2 If you get fillings from the dentist and they feel slightly high go back for an adjustment. I did not and now feel like I pulled a neck muscle AND have TMJ pain. Serious TMJ pain. In my defense, I thought I pulled a neck muscle. I didn't think the two were related.

#3 Don't confuse Andy Rooney with Andy Dick. They are two entirely different people.

#4 Life in the kitchen ends when sink plumbing goes down the drain. No cooking, no cleaning, no counter space because of all the cleaners normally living under the sink, and being 'green' goes right down the tubes due to paper plates and plastic cups.

#5 If the sink craps out and the plumber tells you you can still use the sink, don't. Especially if the plumbing isn't attached to the sink. Really, REALLY don't turn on the disposal. It's messy. And just plain gross.

Adventures in Doctoring

2009-02-17T08:30:00.003-05:00

Why is it so difficult to find a good doctor? I'm not even asking for a great doctor these days, I'll settle for good.

I thought I found a great doctor until her office stopped taking calls. Seriously, when I call it goes directly to a message that says they are renovating and will finish by December 2008. I tried calling for three weeks before throwing in the towel. I didn't want to give up on her. Giving up means getting back online to find another doctor. It's really a crap shoot with this area. Why did we find exquisite doctors in a small Florida town but can only find shady doctors in this metropolis we live in? Shouldn't it be the other way around?

I found a new doctor for myself and the kids. They are located right above the new dentist I found. The new dentist is great. Wonderful even! They are kid friendly, just like our dentist in Florida and very unlike the mean office we first went to in this area. So, I assumed the doctors in the building would be great too. Anyone remember what happens when we assume? Yep, I waited for 3 1/2 hours to be seen. The doctor was from Africa which wouldn't have been a problem if he would have looked at me. Or read my chart. Or not pummeled me with questions. Or stopped getting annoyed with me for not answering fast enough. Or stopped rubbing his head like I caused a headache for him. Or didn't argue with me that a BP of 156/98 is normal. Or didn't ask what kind of medicine I wanted him to give me. Or didn't tell me that wearing glasses causes migraines. Or I should hire a nanny and just take my migraine pills and pass out for a day. Where the hell do these doctors come from? I feel sorry for all the people waiting with me who think they are getting good care from their doctor. They aren't and should leave...after they get four new prescriptions like I did. One of which just happened to be a really good BP med that also prevents migraines. Let's hope it works. I'd like to think something good came out of a completely wasted morning. And I'm still hopeful the new pediatrician will be great. If not, I'll just find a new one.

yes, I have asked around for recommendations. I've called them too. They either don't take our insurance or aren't taking new patients. I'd go back to Navy medical but that would screw up Bug's speech therapy. I can't even imagine letting Navy medical deal with my son. To save money they would probably tell me he's cured after 6 months and then we're just done. We'd have to pay out of pocket for speech therapy.

My turn again?

2009-02-13T13:47:00.003-05:00

A while back I had a crazy week where nothing worked for me. It seems the world revolved and it's my turn for craziness again.

I've upended entire bowls of food onto the floor.
I've tried to make my child happy by cooking corn muffins but couldn't because a household pest got into the cornmeal, both bags. Which reminds me...go to Lowe's and buy something to get rid of pest. Of course I have analyzed the pantry for signs of a specific pest. Based on my astute observations; i.e. I called my mom and described the evidence; it's probably not a mouse but maybe a weevil. Whatever that is.
Upon calling the gym to make reservations for the kids, I asked to be transformed to the Kidz Klub. Much laughter ensued when I then asked to be translated to the Kidz Klub. **I might have mentioned confusing words and embarrassing myself.
My oldest child now feels responsible to remind me of daily things I keep forgetting to do. I feel terrible for being the cause of his new responsibility.
I have found several items in the pantry that just don't belong there...brand new, recently opened BBQ sauce, tub of butter, and the coffee creamer.
Thus I have also found a box of oatmeal in the fridge.

Not only did the world revolve and dump braindead on me, the kids have stolen hours from my sleep each night for the past two weeks. Unlike others, I don't need sleep for beauty purposes. -No, I'm not saying I'm gorgeous and don't need it. I just gave up on sleep solving my eye baggage long ago and now invest in expensive creams, lotions and serums. Sleep is vital for my brain to function. I wonder, what would the husband do if he came home and found one of the kids stowed in the pantry on a shelf? Could I sleep in then?

Scenes from the day

2009-02-04T21:02:00.002-05:00

Today we had an evaluation with a speech therapist for Bug. Baby Al and I were allowed in the room to watch. It was really all I could do not to laugh out loud.

Here are just a few things I heard.

ST showing a picture of a boy holding his stomach: This little boy seems to be holding his stomach. What do you think he's feeling?

Bug: When you stomach hurt you sometimes po up. Then you should po up in the pash can.

Translation: .....sometimes you throw up and you should throw up in the trash can. This was a valuable lesson learned this week when Bug had the stomach flu. He rolled over with his hand over his mouth saying he needed to 'give up'. His mouth was aimed at my face. I had to lay the ground work for future throw up sessions by telling him that no one should ever throw up (give up) on a mama. Always hit the trash can. He listened well.

ST: Here is a picture of a boy with dirty hands. What should he do?

Bug: When my hands is dirty my mommy says, "DON'T suck your thumb. You get germs".

ST: What do you like to eat with a spoon?

Bug: (leaning forward with elbows on the table) Hmmmm. Let me tink about this. I like to play in the water with my poon.

ST: Can you point to the little shoes?

Bug: No. No, no no. You can't wear Baby Al's shoes. They too little for you. You wear you own shoes.

I was in tears in the back of that room. Yes, I think she caught all of his problem areas. And no, I don't think those were the answers she wanted from him. But by golly they made sense. My child cracks me up. He knew some things I never thought he would remember. Kids are like sponges! I'm just glad he didn't tell her that she has a gina or curse at her. All in all, it was a very good day out in public.

There's something stuck in my brain

2009-01-27T14:47:00.002-05:00

Two days ago I woke up with a strange word stuck in my head. Mariposa. I asked my husband about it. Was it in a movie we watched? Is it someone's name? Does it ring any bells? He was stumped.

I finally googled it. Mare-posa = Vatican City. Mariposa is a city in California (Yosemite). Mariposa is also the name of a boutique selling dresses and tableware.

So, either something is telling me to become Catholic, take a vacation or buy a new dress.

I hope it's a vacation! I could use one of those. I don't need any of the other things.

Live it up.

2009-01-24T20:51:00.003-05:00

A friend from high school emailed a few weeks ago. It seems her husband has rectal cancer. At the time they thought it was stage 3. I just received another update from her and after further testing he has stage 4 rectal cancer. He's young. He's a doctor. They have a 3 year old who is learning to use the potty. They travel any chance they get...with their child. They are such a normal, sweet, caring and loving family.

When my friend emails about her husband, I always respond with positive thoughts. I truly believed in these positive thoughts until I googled rectal cancer stage 4. It's bleak. The treatment he has to go through seems impossible for a strong, healthy man much less one already weakened by cancer. It's going to be a very tough year for them.

My heart goes out to them. There isn't much I can do for them, other than continue to be a good friend. From this moment on, I will live it up. They didn't let children stop them from seeing the world, they packed them along. I vow to do the same. I'm not going to wait until 'the kids are older so they remember'. As Bug says, "You just never know, do ya?". Seriously, you just never know.

In case you didn't know.

2009-01-19T09:42:00.002-05:00

These are just a couple of things someone in my house did not know.

If blueberry oats x 3 is on the Trader Joe's grocery list - don't be fooled. A blue box does not mean there are blueberry oats inside. And now, I have three boxes of plain ole boring oatmeal to eat on for breakfast. I'm sure he just had my heart in mind.

The wine opener only looks like a wine opener when it's in my hand. Some people can open a drawer several times and stare at the wine opener BUT it just doesn't look like one until I pull it out.

Showers do not magically clean themselves. Really, they don't. Trust me.

I just love extra long weekends. We learn so much about one another.

How?

2009-01-15T15:16:00.003-05:00

Two nights ago my aching neck woke me up from a blissful sleep. That very next day I had an intense headache only slightly relieved by the Tylenol/Motrin mix. Yesterday I showed up at the gym for my weekly training appointment only to find out I screwed it all up. I was an hour early and had to spend an hour doing cardio and then another hour with the trainer. OUCH - add a lot of obsenities and you might cover how my ass feels right now. My abs do look better though. I've never EVER seen overnight results but killing myself for two hours might be the miracle fix for my problem areas. Somehow during all the weight lifting, I pulled the same darn neck muscle. The way I turn my head to the left is just geriatric.

How is it possible to pull a muscle while sleeping? Seriously, how? I'm not a violent sleeper. I don't toss and turn or sleepwalk. Is this all part of aging? If so, I don't think it's fair. The amount of sleep I get these days barely suffices for a full day with two kids. And now I have to worry about pulling muscles while my body is replenishing after the torture I put it through. Unfair.

Not your average day

2009-01-12T20:57:00.003-05:00

Last Friday I received a call (finally) from Al's new genetics doctor. She's the chief of Genetics at Georgetown Hospital and she called me, personally. FYI- She scored so many points in my book just for calling. She had received Al's records and wanted to see us Monday (today). This worried me quite a bit. Made me think she saw something in Al's records that other doctors had missed. Of course I was anxious about going. Plus I had to drive to DC and maneuver two kids through a huge hospital and entertain both of them while restraining Bug. (He's way too smart to be loose. He'd have their whole computer systems rewired before they knew what hit them.)

Just a few obstacles we encountered:

Plan A: Put Al in the baby Bjorn and single stroller Bug so he'd be strapped in. BUT the single stroller had been man handled too many times by the hubby that it wouldn't even open. Upon closer inspection...the whole frame work was bent. I struggled so much with that damn stroller with Al in the Bjorn that a strange man approached apprehensively and offered to help. Muggers are usually my main concern in parking garages but today I willed them to try me. Just try me.

The parking garage at GH leaves so much to be desired. There are plenty of elevators but none of them are accessible from three of the four parking aisles. We found a hole in the aluminum fence (construction I guess) and I lifted the double stroller over cars just to get through. It was a small feat.

The doors, all three of them leading to the hospital from the garage, are not handicap accessible. Anybody ever seen a mom trying to push a double stroller through a door?? Please help her. Luckily one very sweet woman helped me all the way to our floor. Bless her.

Once we were in our room awaiting the doctor, Bug decided to talk about 'ginas' and 'weins'. He swears he has a 'gina'. I keep telling him it's a 'wein'. I was so happy a poster encouraging reading lead his thoughts elsewhere.

Back to our new genetics doctor. She's absolutely wonderful. Very thorough and proactive. Al is finally in good hands. She's going to need physical therapy. She's been trying to crawl for months but never took off. She has very weak muscles in certain areas, could be a genetic thing. Definitely something her pediatrician should have picked up on a few months ago but didn't. She's going to have another eye exam and an x-ray of her pelvic region to check for any abnormalities. The genetics doctor will follow her progress until we know for sure she does not have NF. I'm happy. Finally we're searching for answers.

The new doctor also wants to see Bug and evaluate his speech problem. Hey hey, maybe we'll know for sure if he's apraxic or just needs speech therapy. I hope he just needs speech therapy. Apraxia can pose problems for kids for a long time.

The funniest thing about all of this...the hubs and I had a slight spat about doctors this evening. When we were searching for doctors several months ago, I wanted to find them one at Johns Hopkins or Georgetown. He said this, "Why would you do that? Why take them to a teaching hospital?" Um, probably because it's a really really good hospital. Ass. Now, just look where we are. Did I mention Al's new doctor is the Chief of Genetics. Yahtzee!

Screaming, Ranting, Raving yet keeping it on the inside

2009-01-07T15:49:00.003-05:00

Imprudent
Nonsensical
Insufferable
Intolerable
Lazy
Impervious

Goodnight, I could go on and on. Who am I ranting about you ask? The referral chick working (I disagree) at my children's pediatrician's office. I can't tell if she's just uncaring or dense. Either way, she shouldn't hold the position given to her.

Background...
Baby Al needs a genetic test. She has lots of cafe au lait spots on her body which could indicate neurofibromatosis. We've done two other tests, a CT scan and EEG. Those tests were negative - which is great. The final test is a genetics test. This will tell us if she carries the gene for NFM. This is really for me. I want to know for sure that she won't have to worry about NFM for the rest of her life and also her childrens' lives.

Sounds simple enough, right? It was until we moved to Maryland. I've battled with the above mentioned referral woman for three months now. First, she gave me the main number to a hospital (she called it George Hospital, it was Georgetown Hospital) and asked me to call to make the appointment for Al. Silly me, I called. Can you even imagine the confusion I caused. I didn't have a doctor's name or anything to go on other than the word 'genetics'. There are lots of genetics doctors. Duh.

After many phone calls to Urma the referral nightmare, she finally gave me the name and number of the person she's been calling. See that's funny because she never actually called but she had the name and number and just horded it. (Can I put an emphasis on hore? Just add a w for me.)

Today I called the sacred phone number. It was so easy even though the genetics department didn't know me or my daughter. The genetics team asked that I have the pediatrician fax over any pertinent info about Al. So I called Urma. Oh my goodness. I needed blood pressure medicine after that phone call.

Here, tell me if you could've kept your cool.

U: So, they want us to fax information to them?
Me: Yes.
U: What could they want us to fax?
Me: (Fighting the urge to be sarcastic) Ummm, probably the actual referral request from her doctor and any information regarding the reason we need a genetics test.
U: And they want us to fax that over?
Me: (Are you kidding me? You do work for the doctor's office right? Is it odd for a referring doctor to have pertinent info about a patient???) Ummmmmmmm, your office has all of her records, right? The doctor needs to look at them before she decides to see us so they are kind of important.
U: Oh. Okay. I'll send them when I get to it.
Me: (Would it help if I dropped by and did it for you. Lazy ass.) That'd be great. Thanks.

As soon as we get this genetics test we're leaving that office. I've already called the office manager about the nurse who tried to give Al two sets of 6 month shots one week apart. No one really thought that was as scary as I did. Seriously, can't patients still sue? Doesn't this frighten people anymore?

Help please.

2008-12-15T14:54:00.003-05:00

Today while inserting Al's carseat into my SUV, I smacked my knuckles (both hands) on the door frame. I do this every darn time I put her into the car. Then with Bug, I nailed my shins on the bottom of the door frame because he's so darn heavy and I have to have a pivot point otherwise I'll fall in on both kids. I've thought about bigger SUV's and have held off due to A) enjoying a free car with no payments!!; B) not sure the bigger SUV is a great idea in this city full of shrinking parking spaces; C) get ready because here comes my huge vain prideful self...I don't know how I feel about being a minivan driver.

Let me just say this, I love all things about the minivan. I love that they are made for kids - sliding doors, lots of space, DVD players, loads o' room for all the strollers I pack. I'm just not sure how I feel about driving one. That's crazy right? My other concern is the lack of 4WD. We drive back to Missouri a lot and I would hate to get stuck in a snowstorm in the mountains. My current SUV doesn't have 4WD therefore I have to borrow Jas's truck.

Which leads in to my rant about big SUV's. Yes, they have so much space and room for all the crap I haul around on a daily basis. Then again, I have to heave (seriously I want to heave after lifting Al and her seat up into his truck) both kids up and in. I have to step up into the back to buckle kids in and then back out again. It's slightly dangerous because I am me and uncoordinated. And it kills my back!

With all of that out there I realize the minivan is the most logical car for me. Will I like it? Will I feel like a soccer mom? Will I still feel like the urban hip mom that I am?? Ha - come on laugh with me! Hauling two kids with my hair pulled back with a bobby pin hardly screams urban or hip anymore....

In the meantime, I'll wait for a sign to help with my decision.

Sick children

2008-12-13T20:47:00.002-05:00

On Wednesday, Bug started sneezing and coughing a bit. Being the good parent that I am, I cancelled our appointments at gym for the rest of the week. The next day Al's nose began dripping. She's never been ill...in 9 whole months.

I felt like Lola Granola nursing my babies back to health. Juice, fruits, vitamins, staying home, socks on at all times, hats on heads after baths until the hair dries, and washing our hands until my knuckles started to bleed. It payed off! Neither one of their illnesses progressed. I actually thought we might make it to our families in MO in good health.

Silly me. I shouldn't have even THOUGHT about good health. Today, Al woke up with this weird cough and a slight fever. Ugh. Double UGH. Granted, the fever could be from her new tooth. She's had a fever all week actually. But the cough thing??? Crappy. I financed Rite Aid for the rest of the month by buying anything related to infant colds. Obviously nothing by mouth but I stocked up on Vicks vapor rub, Vicks plug in waterless vapor mist, Sudafed Soothing vapors, Little Cold Remedies vapor rub (it could work differently than Vicks, who knows) and a few other 'remedies'. Her room smells like eucalyptus oil and she's sleeping soundly. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Bug Zingers

2008-12-11T15:00:00.000-05:00

Me: It's time to pick up toys.
Bug: After making a big show of trying to pick up toys but failing... Mommy, my hands are just too small for poys.

Me: Hey there big boy!
Bug: No! I'm not big boy. I'm robot boy.
Me: Hey there robot boy!
Bug: Noooo! You no hey the robot boy.

Me: Bug, you're going to the doctor today and she's going to look at your bottom.
Bug: Well that'd be a little boss (gross) wouldn't it?
Me: Yeah, I guess it is a little gross.
Bug: If the dogger (doctor) tickles my wein, I'm going to tell her to STOP IT.

Me: What do you want to do today?
Bug: I want to do manwork with my fun daddy.
It's killing the boy to have his daddy gone all day at school and then the library every night.

Me: Do you want to go to the playground (gym) today?

Bug: Ness (yes). And me play with kids?

Me: Yes.

Bug: Kids love me.

Dirty Marketing

2008-12-10T14:26:00.002-05:00

Uncle Jimmy's Hangin' Balls...horses love 'em.

This is the advertisement I saw yesterday on my gmail account. Seriously, what's the first thing you thought about after reading that statement? You weren't thinking about molasses flavored balls providing hours of enjoyment for horses were you? Me neither.

http://www.bittenstore.com/site/945873/product/JHB

Same old

2008-12-04T15:40:00.002-05:00

There's nothing new happening in my life this week. Nothing has exploded, nothing broken, no embarrassing moments to speak of. Is this how normal people feel? It's nice.

We've been going to the gym every day. My goal has been to lose weight of course, tone up but also to make the gym my second home. I want to feel as comfy in the weight room with the boys as I do in the cardio room. I thought it would be a difficult task since hulky men seem to rule those weight rooms and girls just avoid the area. I'm okay in there. Now I haven't stepped up to the 'real' weight room yet. But I have made the weight machines part of my daily workout. I ignore the lingering looks the muscle-y boys like to give out in hopes of scaring the girls away. I think after birthing two babies, I'm stronger. It's such a mental game isn't it?

Speaking of mental-ness...the locker room scares the hell out of me. I use the locker room closest to the door. I chose this one because of the minimal naked factor. For the past two weeks, this has been a mostly clothed area. Keep in mind, I know naked-ness is going to happen in the locker room. Why oh why does naked-ness have to be shoved right in my face though??? Why? Why would anyone sit on a bench in my locker room without a towel between rump and bench?? Why does this have to occur right where I placed my purse, iphone, ear buds and keys yesterday???? Why? I hate to have to go all second grade on these women, but gross. I'd almost rather run from a poop stick. Now everything that touches the bench gets wiped with antibacterial wipes.

The kids enjoy the kids club area. Bug plays hard for the entire time. He doesn't even stop for a drink of water. We've met a couple of rude little kids and he's used a few phrases I don't approve of, but he's having fun and that's what matters. Al has finally given her baby thumbs up and decided to try napping in the baby area. She loves the spanish speaking grandmas who care for the babies. Who knows, maybe Al will pick up a little spanish while she's there.

The best part...I've already noticed a slight (ever so slight) uplift in the buttocks area. Yay!!!

Crazy Thanksgiving

2008-11-28T09:34:00.002-05:00

Why do I always look forward to holidays so much. To the point they are placed on a pedestal and the entire week prior revolves around said holiday. Decorations are key and are usually obsessed over. Obsessessions also include cleanliness of the home, perfectly dressed children, perfectly dressed mama, pets in holiday wear, manicured lawn, fire in fireplace, etc. I could go on forever about the mental pictures I place on holidays in my home.

With that being said, I achieved all of these things. The lawn guys manicured the lawn and it looked beautiful. Okay, so it's fall and the grass is dying but it looked like the perfect fall backyard. Complete with my husband in his Carhartt jacket frying a big ass turkey while holding a beer in his 'Hers' beer koozy. ('Hers' beer koozy has a naked Australian girl on the front in a seductive pose.) Hmmm, maybe this is why I try to have the perfect holiday dinners...to make up for my redneck husband? The decorations looked great. Fresh flower arrangements all around the super clean house. Fall wreath hanging above the lit fireplace. Nevermind the log covered with a million ants that Jas placed in the fireplace. Our guest said he could hear them screaming before they died a firery death.

Next come the kids in their cute little outfits. Bug wore khakis with a button down shirt and a sweater vest. Al wore a denim skirt with her mary jane panty hose and a shimmery holiday shirt. They looked so cute I could've puked from the sweetness of it all.

As our guest (Jas's friend from medical school - more later) arrived and saddled up to the snack bar for appetizers he said this, "I love kids. Your kids are adorable. I can't wait to have a family." As if on cue, Bug enters the room with pee streaming down both legs of his khakis and he's doing the 'pee walk' - both legs as far apart as possible while crying that he's peed his underwears. Yahtzee, there's my reality check.

I guess I should now explain about our guest. He's a friend of Jas's from medical school. I personally think he was the 'scouting party' to check out our family and report back to the others at school. If you know us then you know that my husband is not normal. He's funny but in a twisted way. He says off the wall things that many people might think but would never actually say out loud. He's fearless that way. So, after spending several months with my husband and his stories about our family these medical school friends have grown very curious about us. Hence, our one guest. The rest of the lab group had other plans. I think they were afraid.

Back to my Thanksgiving story. Once Bug peed his pants, the whole pretty picture I had in my head unravelled. Before dinner, Bug grabbed two forks off the table and stabbed my leg with one of them. Haa haa. It's a very good thing I wore jeans instead of the skirt I tried on. While eating dinner, our guest laughed a lot and loudly, Bug told him 'shut up!' and 'not so loud'. Thankfully, the guest couldn't understand Bug. Later while we were finishing dinner Bug crawled under the table to practice all of his curse words. I heard some new ones...oh damn it, well shit, crap, crap, CRAP, what the hell. I didnt' know he had added new curses to his current repertoire.

After dinner while cleaning dishes, I ran the disposal. I've used the disposal before without any problems or even a hint of a problem. So it was very surprising to me when the other side of the sink exploded and threw black gel crap all over the cabinets, the windows, the floor and (are you ready?) ME. I had black rotten food in my hair, on my face, on my elbow, and all over my white sweater. Could it get any worse?

I just can't wait to hear the stories from medical school about our guest's fun adventures with our family. I think he had a great time since he stayed until midnight. That's a good sign right? After the disposal incident I just gave up on the mental image, had a beer and laughed off the calamities.

Conversations with hubby

2008-11-24T15:33:00.003-05:00

While driving home after a nice family day at the musuem and then a little shopping at REI, Jas and I discussed death and body burials. We didn't just nonchalantly began discussing burials. A news brief on 'Whose body do you have in that urn?' brought on the discussion.

"Burying bodies underground so they can rot creeps me out."
"I want to be cremated. Mostly so I don't take up space. And really, does it matter who is in the urn? How would you know anyway?"
"Where do you want your remains?"
"I'm taking yours to the Maldives. You should take mine there too."
"I'm going to leave you in that father rapin' mother stabbin' Dairy Queen we stopped at in West Virginia."
"I don't even like ice cream."
"I know. That's why I'm leaving you in the urinal."

Okay, can you guess which part of the conversation is mine?

Bad for business

2008-11-20T14:59:00.003-05:00

Today I had a dental appointment, my first for this office. When I made the appointment, I asked for a Saturday explaining that I didn't want to bring my kids. First available for a Saturday was January/February. The receptionist pushed the appointment for Thursday, today. She also said there was no room for a stroller (to confine kids) but said they would be fine in the room. I've taken them with me to the dentist in Florida. It was fine. Everyone loved them, including the dentist who ALWAYS checked Bug's teeth for fun.

After checking in and filling out countless forms, the hygienist comes out and asked this, word for word, "So, who's going to watch your kids?".

My eyes widened. The other new patient's brows raised. I told her that I didn't bring a babysitter. Not bitchy at all, just me trying to hopefully ease HER bitchy factor.

She responded, "Well, they can't come into the room. I would be worried about bacteria if I were you. Plus you've got to have x-rays".

Okay, so now I'm seeing red because she assumes I'm not worried about bacteria and the health of my kids. Our previous dentist kept extremely clean rooms with individual TVs in each room to entertain patients and kids. We discussed the safety of kids in the exam rooms and they assured me it was not a problem. I trust them. They were friendly and encouraged FAMILIES and dental care. I worked in a dental office for several years. We always welcomed kids into the exam rooms so they wouldn't be afraid when it was their turn in the chair. We also kept clean rooms. Then I began to worry about the cleanliness of this office. It looked nice enough. Although 'Wendy' had shimmery eye shadow up to her brows...

While Wendy went back to get our room ready, I decided to leave. My reasoning...I don't want a complete bitch working inside my mouth. I've never been found of rude behavior and I don't have to give rudeness my money. I also couldn't imagine her working on my kids. Scary Mary.

Wendy comes back to take us to our room as we're coating up. I politely tell her that this office doesn't seem like a good fit for our family. The other new patient's eyebrow raised in appreciation of my non-bitchy response. -Which made me happy to know I was able to control myself while in the red zone. She began to argue with me! So I explained that when I made the appt. the person on the phone didn't think kids in the office would be a problem. Wendy said that was wrong of them. Kids were a problem. Now I see the office staff whispering angrily. I really don't need this.

We made our way to the door. Wendy bitch then asked if she could see the baby. WTF. Even the other guy in the waiting room had a WTF look on his face. I told Wendy bitch NO. And we left.

I called my sister after this episode to make sure I wasn't out of line. All she could say was that Wendy was lucky she wasn't there with me. I thought rudeness was bad for business. Am I mistaken? Would anyone else allow Wendy to clean their teeth?

Facebook claims too much of my day

2008-11-18T21:05:00.003-05:00

I haven't blogged because I signed up with Facebook. It's an addiction. I think I might quit. This is why. Everything I do during the day pops into my head like this:
Rachael is...
doing laundry
talking to her mom
washing dishes
playing with the kids
hating life because of the laundry
having a bad hair day
talking to the dogs

I HATE the way I think about every little thing I do and how it might seem interesting to someone on FB. Ugh. I won't quit though. It's too much fun to see what everyone else does with their day.

FB claims so much of my time that I have chosen to ignore a strange noise coming from the basement. Thank goodness I have FB to blame otherwise I'd have to fess up to the spooky voodoo room that DOES NOT freak me out at all. It's just a half room under the basement only accessible by a ladder. The entrance to this room is near the ceiling of the laundry room and it's a three foot by two foot opening through the cinder block wall. It's creepy. I've never actually climbed up to look but I don't like it at all. #1 I'm claustrophobic. #2 It screams voodoo room. Jas and Bug did some man work in there a few weeks ago. Guess what...Bug loves this room and wants to make it his new playroom. Jas swears it's clean and would make a fun playroom when he's older. Which brings me to my next blog...WTF is up with men and their strange way of thinking? More to come...

It makes me wonder...

2008-11-07T13:21:00.002-05:00

Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.
Albert Einstein

As a SAHM, I'm told all the time that I should appreciate this time with my kids. I get to see every single moment, the good and the bad. I'm in complete control of raising them, my way. I love it too, absolutely love it. My kids make every single day fun and something to look forward to. So why, why in the world is there a desire to do something more? Why do I feel like I'm not making a contribution to the working world? I wonder if it's because SAHMs are a dying breed. Or is it more likely that society tends to make stay at home moms feel like they are useless and not contributing?

I think I need to make some new friends or find a hobby. I did the unspeakable and sent an email to the Mom's club in this area. I didn't fit in with the club in Pcola but maybe here it will be different. We'll see.

My funny Bug

2008-11-05T09:16:00.003-05:00

All week Bug has been saying, "Bote fo Mama". Which translates to Vote for Obama. So this morning I told him Obama won. And his reply..."Mama won? Two...threeeeee". I guess the age of three is too young to even slightly comprehend history in the making.

Boo at the Zoo

2008-10-25T10:35:00.007-04:00

We worked on Bug's costume all week. I went to Lowe's several times for paint, tape and supplies. I found the perfect box, taped it and painted it. I found a box for his head and cut it down to size, taped it and painted it. Jas and I found several pieces of robot 'flair' for the front. Our flair included little purple laser lights for eyes which had to be put on styrofoam pieces, glued inside his helmet and painted silver. We used a battery operated 'tap on' light for the front of his costume and painted that silver also. He could tap it on and off as much as he wanted. Then we even painted a paper bag and velcroed it to his back for collecting candy! His arms and legs were dryer vent tubes (of course) but ours were attached to suspenders for easy on and off trips to the restroom. After all our hard work, his costume was super cool. And he looked so cute in it. So, when we went to the zoo for Boo night this is what Bug looked like....

Yep, he rode in the wagon all night long and would not wear the 'tume'. That's okay. We got lots of comments on it since we were the ONLY people who made a costume. It was fun. Bug has been dying to wear it now that we're home. I'm sure he'll trick or treat in it and I will be able to take better photos.

Al was a ladybug and refused to look into the camera. This is the best I could do.

Had to share

2008-10-23T15:21:00.003-04:00

Bug has been so cute the last few weeks but I never posted any of his zingers. Here are the ones I could remember:

Me: Focus on your food.
Bug: Me no see focus. Me just see pood.

Me: HELP me. Put your jacket on NOW!
Bug: Mommy, do you hear me? You're hurting my ears.

Me: Bug, please talk to your mamo on the phone.
HE talked so long about monsters and his sweet Al and his robot costume...
Bug: Opay, now give me some M's (m&m's).

Bug: Bote for O'Mama
Translation: Vote for Obama.

After touching his tings (things).
Bug: Mommy, look me. Listen me. I told you no, no, no. You no touch me tings.
It's not fun hearing your words coming out of your child's mouth.

Bug: You should try this. It's M's. It's chocolate and yummy. Tome on, this is for yous.

And I know you all have been wondering if my bad karma left...and I think it has. I went to Lowe's today and made it home with everything, even the things in the bottom of the cart. The plumber came today to fix the shower. He dropped everything. Then the shower head just fell off the shower wall...and broke. He said he was having a bad day. Is it possible for me to transfer my bad karma to someone else? He left without charging me for fixing the shower. I tipped him a $20 in case the bad karma wanted to stick around. Hopefully his day will be better now too.

It could be worse, somehow.

2008-10-19T20:51:00.002-04:00

I'm sure my 'dumb' state could be worse somehow. I just don't know how. This week I have done so many things that are just crazy. I scrubbed the floors by hand of course. I even rubbed on a shine just for fun. Later I accidentally dumped an entire bottle of formula all over the floor AND cabinets. That's just clumsiness though.

Here comes the real embarrassing cases.

I ordered heartworm pills for my dog who is staying in StL with my mom. I planned to send the pills to Stl so, imagine my surprise when they showed up here in Maryland. I don't even remember doing it. I still would swear that I typed in my mom's address but I didn't. Not if they arrived here.

I bought a new double jogging stroller. An expensive Bob stroller. I've researched them for months. I knew exactly which one I wanted and the site I wanted to buy it from. So, I ordered it last week. It was even on sale! My new stroller arrived on Saturday and Bug helped put it together. It was so cool. I couldn't wait to take it out for a spin. Jas came in and I showed it to him. Then I tried to turn it around in the living room, you know to show off the 360' swivel action. The wheel wouldn't swivel. It wouldn't swivel because I bought the wrong darn stroller. I completely confused myself after reading all the reviews about the different strollers. Who knew the Duallie and the Revolution were the same damn stroller but one has a swivel wheel? I bet you can guess which one swivels.

After emailing the company, they are paying my shipping fees and exchanging this stroller for the one I want. I just had to take it all apart and make it fit back in the original box.

I made a meal to pop in the oven and waited the 20 minutes for it to cook. When I opened the oven it wasn't hot because I forgot to turn the oven on.

What is going on? I don't work outside the home. I work plenty in the home. I've tried to simplify my life by cutting out the things I hate to do. I hate to grocery shop so I order groceries online and have them delivered. Huge relief to me. It's not possible for me to do lawn work (unless I strap Al on my front and Bug to my back) so we found a company to cut the grass, trim the bushes, rake leaves and spray for fleas, ticks and bugs. Huge relief for me again. Why is my brain overloaded right now? I get plenty of sleep. I need to work out, hence the stroller. Maybe that will help. I guess we'll see in about a week. Hopefully I'll be back to normal soon.

Update:
Last night while pulling into a parking space, a young girl whipped her Volvo S90 out and smacked my left fender. Jas was driving, not me. I guess I brought bad luck just by being in the car. The girl even got out and said, "I really don't know whose fault this is". Really? From my vantage point, she looked left but not right. She didn't even see us pulling in. She didn't even stop or slow down once Jas blared the horn. She pulled out at such a bizarre angle she would've scraped the entire side of our car if we had been parked in the spot. So, I guess we should consider ourselves lucky? My conclusion = Totally her fault. We thought she was calling the police or her insurance agent but then she said this, "Okay, I don't want to worry you but I just had an accident". As a parent these words would've given your heart a pause, right? It was an accident, yes. I think a 'fender bender' would've been a better explanation. That's not a heart stopper. We had to wait a while before she was able to exchange information. She will probably need therapy after her little fender bender. She was a nervous Nelly. In the midst of all the information exchanging, Al pooped her pants. I guess it made her nervous too. Poor kid. Luckily there wasn't any major damage. Probably will just need to have the paint touched up instead of a whole new bumper. I'm just happy we were in the car this time. In Florida, we had two hit and run incidents with my car and Jas's truck. We had to pay the deductible to have the damage repaired both times. That was not fun.

Doomed

2008-10-15T21:39:00.001-04:00

There are some days I should not leave the house. This was definitely one of them. This morning I got up early to shower, dress, eat and then get the kids ready to leave by 8:30. We actually managed to leave on time which is amazing. We arrived at my doctor's office by 8:50 and walked up to the door. It was locked. Hmmm. I put Al back in the truck and let Bug hang out in the front seat while I call the main line. I found out my appointment is actually this Friday at 9. The doctor is out of the office this morning. Great. I don't know how I mixed that one up.

As I'm putting Bug in his seat, the nurse shows up for work. Of course she does. There is no way I can just sneak away without anyone knowing I got the wrong day. Did I mention this is a very small office? It's just the nurse and the doctor...that's it. Of course she asked what I was doing there. Didn't I know my appointment was scheduled for Friday? Yep, we (kids and I) are such a show stopper the nurse KNOWS when we're coming in. They know to have lots of bandaids available for Bug to play with otherwise he starts telling poop stories. Mortified much? Yes I am.

We leave. And head for Sam's. I thought that since I was up and ready I could just knock out my Sam's list. Once again, all kids out of car and up to the door. It's locked to everyone but business members. Okay, I have a business card thanks to my inlaws. So I begin the search through my wallet. It's a very short search because I switched to my 'mugger wallet'. I'm neurotic okay. I keep reading about women with kids having their purses stolen while loading kids into cars. So, I switched to a small wallet with only one credit card and my I.D. I thought this would be easier if I did get mugged. Easier because there is only one credit card number to call instead of several. Well, damn it all, I didn't throw in my Sam's card.

I got tired of hearing the doors keep trying to open so we meandered back to the car. While trying to balance Al's car seat and unlocking the truck doors I see Bug sitting on the ground rubbing his hands all over the parking lot. 'What are you doing' is my question, of course. He says he's just nooking mama. Duh, silly me.

I didn't even attempt the Starbucks drive thru with the bus a.k.a. Jas's truck. We just came home and licked our wounds.

Found a hair salon!

2008-10-09T20:22:00.001-04:00

I couldn't take it anymore. I've had two really bad hair days. Don't even try to be nice. I know when my hair has just had it. I googled hair salons in my area then I checked out their web sites. One of them listed Bios, which is great for me but not so great for them. I'm sorry in advance Dallas, but they all had Texas up-do's. I'm sure you'll agree that's not the look I'm going for. I don't even have enough hair for a Missouri tidal wave anymore. Remember that look? Ahhh, my senior pictures and the tidal wave. I just flashbacked to rolled jeans, doobies and tons of hair spray. Good times.

Anyway. The last site I looked at was called O'Hair. It was last because the name is corny. O'Hair. But really that's my problem, my damn o'hair. The site sucked me in. I loved the font. It was so daring. The stylists didn't list bios, thank goodness. The pictures of the salon showed the stylists at work. They were hip and in my fav color, black. It reminded me of the salon I left behind so I called for an appointment. Saturday at 11:15. We'll see how it goes.

Ladies, I am having a drink

2008-10-07T21:28:00.001-04:00

I almost typed this: It's Wednesday and I've already experienced enough toddler calamities to last a lifetime. Then I realized I don't even know which day it is. I'm leaning toward Tuesday. Only because the weekly 'Gazette' wasn't in the driveway this evening. Still, after all this discussion of Tuesday vs. Wednesday I still couldn't tell you which day it is.

In the words of my Bug, this is what I been up to:

Bug is potty trained! Hip Hip Hooray!! No more $15.00 bags of pull ups. I'm going to buy something good with my savings. Now, to bring our high crashing down...Bug ran to the potty to 'peeing', threw the lid up (way too hard), the lid slammed into the back of the potty and then slammed back down on the seat. Sounds harmless right? Nope. In the middle of all the slamming was Bug's little (sorry, but he's 3 so it's little) wein. He screamed. I screamed. He cried. I wanted to cry due to the instant bruising. Needless to say the kid couldn't pee after that. He even bled. Can you even believe this story? Jeez. The little trooper climbed back on the potty the next day and hasn't missed a chance to potty like a big boy since.

We worked all weekend on the house. Unpacking boxes that were left till the end because they are full of things that just don't fit. We found a dump and have totally ruined my New Year's resolution by trashing all kinds of things that could've been recycled. Seriously though, they (D.C.) should make it easier for people to recycle moving boxes. #1-don't close down the recycle center down the street. #2-Be open more than three hours a week. I'm tired! But the house looks great and we're down to just a few remaining boxes.

Al is constipated. Sorry for gross stories but she's a baby. There just aren't many things you can do to relieve her. She's eating more than Bug. She even willingly opens her mouth these days for sweet potatoes and prunes. I've started giving her apple juice. I've tried warm baths and still not much of a reward in the end. Maybe tomorrow...

Male the dog went outside today and came in with a tick on her head. Great. I spent a LOT of time online ordering more flea/tick medication. I felt things crawling on my skin all day. I wore a wool sweater and I'm sure that was the culprit. Still. Gross.

Bath time...with 2 kids. To save time and back strain, I bathe the kids together. Al is in her infant tub in the big tub with Bug. They entertain each other which makes my life much easier. I had just cleaned the tub, filled Al's tub, filled the tub for Bug, placed him in the bath and ran next door to grab Al. Then I hear the screaming, "I pooping. Mommy I pooping NOW". Can't I get a little break? Nope. He made it to the potty for most but I still had to clean the entire tub all over again and run everyone more water. Of course he gets a lollipop for doing the deed on the potty so he was up late. Which means Al was up later than usual also. Which means the mama is really tired and needing 'me' time.

After running all the empty boxes to the front porch and straightening up the house and toy room, I'm having a damn drink.

After typing this, I realized I failed to include the biggest calamity of them all. Silly me. Day 2 of potty training, Bug used the bathroom all by himself. I was on the phone and thought he could handle things on his own. Note to self- never make this assumption again. Ever. He came running in a few minutes later and said, " I made a mess mommy. Don't spank my bottom". He didn't exaggerate at all. It was a big ole mess. He flushed an entire roll of t.p. including the cardboard roll. I fished out half of the cardboard mess and the rest must have gone on down. The bathroom floor looked like a pond. Which made the hallway a spillway. Instead of spanking his bottom, I included him in the cleanup process. After drying the floors upstairs, I ran the wet linens downstairs. I should've assumed the mess would leak through the ceiling downstairs. I didn't even consider the downstairs so it came as a big surprise when I got 'rained' on in the basement. Ugh. What a mess. It's dry now and we're renting thank goodness. Although this makes me wonder what is going on with the renters in my Florida home.

Hair advice

2008-09-30T09:39:00.000-04:00

I need some help and advice. I have to find a new hair salon and I'm scared. We found a salon last night in a really neat section of town. All the restaurants are very tasty and yuppy-ish. -I don't really like to refer to things as being yuppy-ish but just know the area is not scary. People are stylish and have great hair in this area. So, I went in to make the appointment and all the women working there were Asian. Keep in mind here that I lived in Japan for three years and Asian women did not seem to 'get' my hair. I'm going to cancel the appointment. And now I'm back to square one with really crappy looking hair.

How do you guys find new salons? My hairstylist in P'cola told me to ask someone with great hair where she gets it cut. Sounds simple enough but has never worked for me. I even googled salons in my area. I found a few with websites. I'm still scared. I trust Aveda. Is it better to just call an Aveda salon and just go there? There's nothing worse than a really bad hair cut. Help!

I'm back!

2008-09-28T21:18:00.001-04:00

We've been in Maryland for about a month and we just got our Internet back. I could care less about the phones (although I'm about 400 minutes over on my cell) or the cable -thank goodness for the Internet!

So much has happened since we left Florida. Bug turned 3 and Al will be 6 months in a few days. Have I lost the baby weight? NO. I really had good intentions this time but there aren't enough hours in the day to work out. What have I been doing? Well medical school is definitely worse than flight school. Jas is up at 5, in school by 7, home by 5-ish and studies till 9:30. Every day. He takes Friday evenings and most of Saturday off but is back at it on Sunday. So, I have unpacked a million boxes and put most things away. Our house is still a complete mess but it's liveable. I take care of two kids, two dogs, one cat and a huge house all by myself. I guess that's not entirely true. Jas does what he can which is really a lot considering the amount of time he has to himself. Still, I feel like a single parent. I'm whining. I hate that about myself these days. Adjustments are difficult.

I love Maryland. We're closer to D.C. than Baltimore. There are so many stores. The kids and I venture out daily to different Targets and grocery stores just for fun. So far my favorite is Trader Joe's. Oh how I missed that place. Bug licked a watermelon (we bought it) and I didn't freak out like I would've had we been in Pensacola's Wal Mart. Why? I don't know but T. J.'s just seems cleaner. There are even beauty stores here, like Ulta and Sephora. Yes, I've been inside these before and am a regular customer. In P'cola I had to use the Internet to shop in these stores. Imagine my amazement now that they are just down the road!

And in keeping with my New Year's resolution...we can recycle at home. Yay! It's really not fun rooting through the trash just to pull out the paper, cans, and bottles that Jas might accidentally toss but I feel good about it once the recycle-ables stack up in the bins. I don't feel so good about the rum and wine bottles though. What will the neighbors think? Oh, that's a whole 'nother story. Me meeting the neighbors. I'll save that for Vox.

Random thoughts here...does anyone watch 'House'? I'm hooked. This weekend USA is running House all weekend long. I love it. And I've got to go, it's back on.

Quick Update

2008-08-26T22:24:00.000-04:00

Just a quick update:

We (kids and I) are in Missouri right now. We're staying until Sunday so Bug can have an early birthday party with people other than Jas and me.

Jas flies in Friday for the party and to drive us to Maryland on Sunday.

We move directly into our new rental house Sunday evening. I've seen pictures and it's really neat. I can't wait.

Our goods will arrive Tuesday and I'll get to unpack all by myself...again. Jas is really busy since med school began Monday.

We found renters for our home in Pensacola. Our renters just happen to be with the people I didn't like. They were the parents. They have two teenagers and are retired Army people. I'm okay with this. So far, they haven't complained about the trash we left behind (no choice) or the busted screen door. Maybe this will work out for all of us. I feel for them if Gustav heads their way. -And of course I worry about Dallas and family in the surrounding area. Stay safe!!

That's it for now. We're busy visiting family. I'll have lots of new blogs once we are settled. Bug has had some zingers lately!

Two blogs in one day

2008-08-05T22:08:00.000-04:00

I should be doing so many other things but Bug said something so funny today I had to share. (Could I have added on any more to that sentence?)

the scene: Sonic

We pull into our slot and I ask Bug if he wants a burger or chicken.

Bug: Roll you window down mommy. This the ice peem house.

Me: You're getting ice cream. First you need lunch. Do you want chicken or a burger?

Bug: I want ice peem.

WE do this whole conversation about three more times before I decide to mix it up on him.

Me: How about a burger?

Bug: How about ice peem?

I just had to share. It's so rare that we really have a conversation. Usually he tells me I'm a broken record or I need to do something else. He won this round and got ice cream. He also acted like a big boy and ate his burger. (Well we shared a burger. Who can eat a whole burger AND ice peem?)

Potential Renters

2008-08-05T21:34:00.000-04:00

Today I received a call from our property manager. Lucky us, potential renters wanted to look at our house again and bring the in-laws along. I got the call one hour before they showed up. I was expecting a moving inspector to show up and do a room by room analysis before packers arrive tomorrow. Can you really tell potential renters NOT to come by? Nope. Not when you really don't want to carry a mortgage for a home you're not living in.

Before the renters arrived, the property manager wanted to 'discuss' a few things with me. FYI- I didn't want to meet these people. I honestly think it's best not to meet renters or buyers because I don't want to field a ton of questions or have them put me on the spot about anything.

First, the PM and I discuss cleaning costs and carpet cleaning. I agree to these things because I like a clean house and I expect the renters to pay for carpet cleaning when they leave, otherwise it comes out of their deposit. Fair right? Come into a clean house, leave a clean house. These costs amount to approximately $250. So, next the PM tells me that they are interested in my refrigerator. Would we be willing to leave it behind. Umm, no. PM then asked if we'd be willing to kick in a couple hundred for a new fridge? Umm, let me think...no. Because really you can't buy a fridge for $200, not one like ours anyway. And, who does it belong to if they have to kick in some of their money also? Why do I want to give away $200 just because they like my fridge? Next the PM says the renter's wife told him she called and spoke with my husband about the house. Liar liar pants on fire, no you didn't! And why lie about something so stupid?

Okay, I'm already slightly annoyed by the time they show up. But I decide to keep my cool and just try my best to avoid them...while feeding Alice and trying to get her to nap. So in reality my butt was planted in the rocker and they bombarded me with questions. How long have you lived here? Why are you moving? How much is your electric bill? We pay $170 for our house and yours can't be much more than that. (Are you serious? Remember seeing the pool? It ain't cheap running that thing. Our bill is almost double yours.) Does the intercom work? Oh, it's probably just a wiring issue...I can fix that. (I'm thinking, great if you break it, you fix it.) Is that a wood burning fireplace? Gas or propane fireplace? (Are you deaf? I said gas TWO times.) How much does that cost? Are you in the military? Your husband is going to medical school huh? What did he do before? My head was about to explode by this point and the PM took over finally. And at this point the inspector showed up and patiently waited in the foyer while these people came at me like cobras. Instead of answering all the monetary questions I told them I didn't know offhand and would have my husband call the PM with the details. Apparently I needed to hold up a sign that said, "Stop asking so many damn questions. I'm not getting into details with you people. You scare me. I'm afraid if you rented my house you would call me ALL THE TIME". Instead of 'getting it' and realizing that I refused to discuss things that they should discuss with the PM that we're paying to do a job, the asshole smirked at me like I was one of those women who deal with babies and not finances. That just did it for me.

Now we're holding steady with NOT negotiating. No fridge comes with our house. Buy your own. No, you can't try your hand at dealing with our lawn. You will pay a higher rent so we can pay a professional NOT to kill our lawn. Nope, you're also not going to attempt to get the 'mix' right on the pool. Again, you can pay more so we don't get calls about the mint julep mix you have grown in the pool for Labor Day weekend.

Goodness, I sound angry. I just don't like the landlord role. I'm not nice. I'd rather sell the house and not deal with people. That's why we hired a PM. The economy just sucks. Plus I have a bad feeling about these people. Ever get that feeling? I'm terrified they will rent my house and call all the time with questions or just want to pay less because something broke for a day and they think I should pro rate their rent. I attract weirdness. I used to attract some strange guys (not my husband of course, although he's wierd in a good way) and now I think I might attract wierd renters.

Exciting news

2008-07-09T14:48:00.000-04:00

We're moving! Jas was accepted to the Uniformed Services University of the Health Sciences in Bethesda, Maryland!! Yay!!! So what that really means is that we have a house to sell or rent, a boat to sell, a huge house to pack up and move, and two kids, a dog and a cat to take care of until we find a new home to live in. Did I mention we have to do all of this before Jas reports to med school on August 4th?

Our plan:

Pack, pack, pack
Sell boat
Rent house because there is no way in hell it will sell with the economy so dumpy right now
Temporarily move the kids, dog and cat to StL to live with my mom
Jas moves himself to Maryland and house hunts

Didn't I just mention I felt the itch to move?? I don't remember which blog I posted that in but I was obviously crazy to wish for this kind of chaos.

Wish us luck! Posts from here on out will be either really short or nonexistent.

Sunday lessons

2008-07-06T21:49:00.000-04:00

I learned two things today and wanted to share.

Number 1: Two months ago milk-based formula caused Baby Al to vomit. I thought since two whole months passed she might be okay with it. Silly me. She vomited the entire afternoon...on Jas's watch. I don't know that I will ever try milk-based products with Al. How do you know if your child has a milk allergy? Duh, probably vomiting after drinking milk. Does the allergy last forever? This question makes me seem really stupid but once upon a time I was really allergic to mold and mites and couldn't come near hay or horses. I'm okay now. Hopefully Al will outgrow hers too. Milk, cheese and yogurt are some of my favorite eats!

Number 2: If there is a huge storm headed toward your local Target, don't assume you can park by the garden center so you can check out there and avoid long check-out lines up front. FYI- they close the whole garden center for rain therefore I got to push my loaded coat ALL the way across the parking lot. Is there a name for 'rained on' hair? There should be. I've been wearing it all day.

Lil J

2008-06-22T14:39:00.000-04:00

Lil J just happens to be my sister and closest, dearest friend. I've been thinking about her a lot lately and wishing she lived just a few hours closer.

She's....

hilarious
intelligent
interesting
a fellow book lover
a wine drinker
weighing in at 92 pounds lately and easily tipsy after more than one glass of wine
never been seen drinking more than two drinks
an amazing athlete
sensible
a fellow word mixer-upper
horrible at pronouncing words she doesn't know which makes me laugh so hard!

I could really go on and on but most importantly on Bug and Al's behalf

she's the best aunt in the world.

Thanks for hanging out with us Lil J!

Life Lessons with Bug

2008-06-20T10:59:00.000-04:00

While watching 'toons' with my best Bug, we saw a commercial for Graduate's puffs. The commercial was so convincing that my little Bug (who by the way had just demolished a huge bowl of banana oats) informed me that he 'needed a snack right now mommy'. My response made me laugh because I realized I am such a dorky parent.

Here goes - "Bug, you've just been introduced to commercials and their never ending attempt to sell you things you just don't need." And there it is, life lesson number one with Bug. He agreed he wasn't really hungry and didn't need a snack. Commercials are tricky, we both agreed. I wish I had his will power. All I can think about now is a sugary snack.

Back to the swing of things

2008-06-19T20:25:00.000-04:00

We've been vacationing in Missouri for the last couple of weeks, hence the lack of new posts. And now here we are back in the Sunshine State and I'm struggling to get back into the swing of my life. Why is this so difficult? Why do I need three cups of coffee these days if I don't get a nap? Where did the general malaise come from? I have some ideas...

Number 1 - I obviously miss my family. They are a joy to be around. They are also extremely helpful with the kids thus allowing me to rest and/or read and/or go shopping for an entire afternoon. Vacation was good.

Number 2 - Florida just sucks. I don't want to offend anyone but after returning home I've noticed a whole lot of plain ole laziness. Crappy cars trying to hit me and I'm sure the drivers are uninsured. People living way too close to me who insist on tossing sofas and clothing into the front yard for trash pickup. What, was it too expensive to use a trash sack for those old clothes? I'll buy you a box just so I don't have to look at your shit on my way home every day. Besides the lazy people around here, it's just damn hot.

Number 3 - We were military people at one time. We used to move every three years. I'm ready to move. It's been too long here. This isn't the town I want to have 'roots' in.

Number 4 - I'm irritable. I'm a member of a club for moms in this area. I don't attend any functions. I'm almost embarrassed to share my reasons because it makes me sound like a bitch. Okay, I am a bitch so here goes. I have nothing in common with most all of the other moms. Socially, we don't share any commonalities. Economically...nothing. The club uses yahoo for emailing purposes. I just received 113 emails while I was away. Do you think any of the emails were important or useful? Nope. Sorry, but I don't want to know where you can find coupons for the Ringling Bros. circus. Me, I don't go. I feel for the animals and refuse to see them parading around for my entertainment. If I did attend, I would just pay the entry fee and call it a night out with my family. Seriously, coupons for the circus? Is it even expensive? Jeez. Also, for the mom who wants to know how much to pay a babysitter just to make sure you are paying a standard rate, I have this to say. IF you have found an experienced, trustworthy sitter your kids love them pay her/him accordingly. If I could find a decent sitter who didn't traumatize my child, I would probably just hand over my wallet and let her decide her pay just so I could get out of the house.

Number 5 - is there a number 5 or am I just bitchy these days? I must re-read my new birth control information. Bitchiness could be a side effect.

Random stuff

2008-05-15T17:08:00.000-04:00

Me: Bug, you keep falling down. Do you have jelly knees?
Bug: Ness (yes), jelly beans please!

I don't cry easily. Just ask my sister or my mother, it kills them because they think I have a hardened heart. Jas would probably agree too. However, I watched P.S. I love you this week and cried four times during the movie. Four times! I love Hillary Swank and that hunky guy who played Irish Jerry.

Big Al slept nine hours last night. I had to wake her up for a bottle.

I returned my hospital grade breast pump today. You got it, I'm finally finished. I don't even know how long it took to stop the whole process. I can tell you that the last week was the ONLY week I wasn't in pain. I took a nap today and slept on my stomach. I haven't done that in a year. I feel like a new woman.

I also worked out for real for the first time yesterday. I've missed that sore feeling. I love it.

Bug: I want that bag.
Me: What? You want the toy bag?
Bug: Ness (yes). You so nice mama.

Saturday amusements

2008-05-10T20:38:00.000-04:00

Just some snippets from my day...

Me: "Hey Jas. Did you go outside in your sock feet again and drag in the dirt all over the rug? I'm adding 'vacuuming' to your chores."

Jas: "I'm adding shut the fu** up to your list of chores."
***Most of you know my husband quite well and will find the humor in his quick wit.

While driving to Foley, Alabama today we passed a church. The name of the church was 'Overcoming Faith Ministries'. Is this like a ten step program for people who have too much faith? I think they should name their church 'Overflowing Faith Ministries'. Doesn't that make more sense?

The whole reason for the Foley trip was to buy mama clothes that fit. Let's be honest here, it could be a little while before I fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes. It'll happen, just not overnight. While in an Ann Taylor dressing room, my arm shot out of an 'over the head' shirt like a cannon smacking my elbow into the door thus sending the door flying open. The cute little college boy working the dressing room will never be the same. I have to live with this.

Big Al dirtied a diaper as we were leaving Foley and headed for Starbucks. I really didn't want to drive home smelling this thing so I attempted to litter. Awful, I know. I NEVER litter and have been known to pick up other people's trash. Get this, I can't even litter correctly. When I opened the truck door and dropped the diaper out while going through the drive-thru, it landed on the truck's running board. I shut the door in awe of my inability to litter. Then I spot the Starbuck's trash can so I open the door to retrieve my litter. I expertly shoved the dirty diaper up into my door when I shut the truck door. Thank goodness we spend the extra bucks for Pampers, they really are like the Glad bag of diapers.

Bug's new phrase of the day, "you're a big nerd". You know nerd doesn't sound like nerd. He says it all cute with a speech impediment.

And finally...I read Bug a story about how turtles get their shells. It began with the Chinese theory of turtles and shells. Of course I start singing 'ching chong, ching chong'. Childish and just plain wrong of me to do, I know. Bug being the adult in the household says, 'read the book'. This cracked me up so I laughed quite a bit. Bug screamed at the top of his lungs, 'READ THE BOOK!!!'. So I read the book and got the hell out of his room.

Fridays are good

2008-05-09T10:53:00.000-04:00

Fridays are so great. I look forward to them all week! It's the one (work) day that we don't have to wake up early and run to speech therapy or preschool or appointments or anything else. We can just be.

I had a funny thought though. Not so long ago I looked forward to Fridays because it was a night to go out. 'Out' could be anything from dinner to a movie to a wild, crazy bar night complete with a Saturday morning hangover. Those days are sooo long gone. I don't even miss them. Obviously, we still go out to dinner but we take both kids. It's considered a good night out if we just threaten Bug with a visit to the bathroom but don't actually make good on the threat. Big Al is just a breeze. Such an easy baby and a joy to take out into public.

This weekend is extra special because of Mother's Day. Earlier this week I planned on asking Jas for one whole night of rest for my gift. I happened to be running really low on sleep and this sounded like a great gift. However, Big Al decided to sleep continuously for six hours last night! Six whole hours of sleep!! I honestly can't remember the last time I slept so long without waking. At 3 AM she wanted a bottle and stayed awake till 4 then dozed again until 8. I felt so great at 3 I turned the TV on and watched a little bit of "Message in a Bottle". Robin Wright Penn's thin waistline encouraged me to work out today. It's great to want to work out, but not at 3 AM. Luckily I also dozed until 8.

And now Bug and I have a morning full of water squirters, slides and paints. We'll be lucky if Al escapes the morning fun without a coat of paint. Moo Moo the dog is sure to need a bath!

Really??

2008-05-04T09:48:00.000-04:00

I usually don't put much stock in everything my husband says to me. Sometimes I think he just says crazy stuff to see how I'll react. My normal response is to just ignore.

However, last night I was telling him about some of the current events in my family. Nothing major, just a slight twist on the same ole silliness. His response to one of my stories...'Is that because you and your sister act like your both 80 years old?'.

Initially I wanted to ignore this comment but then I started to think about it. I thought I was a pretty hip chick. Could I be wrong? Am I really more like a conservative 80 year old chick? Nah, I don't think so. Could my husband possibly think I resemble an 80 year old woman because I am up most of the night with an infant? On top of not much sleep, I also have a sinus infection and feel fairly awful. I know I don't look my best these days. I'll even admit to being a little bit bitchy. Okay, sometimes a LOT bitchy. -If the house picked up itself every now and then I'd be less bitchy.

This is my question: Why do men resort to being annoying boys? I'll try to keep my old lady tendencies in check if he would try NOT to wake the angry beaver.

Anyone remember Kramer?

2008-05-01T15:30:00.000-04:00

Do you all remember Cosmo Kramer from Seinfeld? He always made me laugh. I guess he reminded me a little of myself with the random falls and other antics. My good friend Susan and I used to laugh at her little girl because she had several Kramer moments. One of which involved a random hand swipe resulting in a complete upheaval of a Starbucks countertop in Japan.

Well my son has now joined the ranks of Kramer's worldwide. While climbing onto a barstool, he somehow managed to bring it crashing down on top of him completely pinning both arms and legs. He couldn't move. He couldn't speak. The only body part I could see was a twitching foot. We picked him up, dusted him off and he took off screaming, "SUCK IT NAZI". *Which you all know he meant, "SUCK IT YAHTZEE".

Side note: His speech therapist was so impressed with his vocabulary this week. Hmmm.

Coffee toting trainwreck.

2008-04-28T15:01:00.000-04:00

Today just happened to be the very first day I stepped back into reality. My in-laws helped immensely with Bug and all of his weekly appointments but they had to get back to their lives too. So this morning we were all up by 7, I know it sounds late but it doesn't really feel late after all the night feedings. We were all dressed and fed by 9. Yay me! Notice I didn't say 'showered'? That's okay.

By 10 the three of us were out the door, in the truck and on our way to speech therapy. The first obstacle included getting two kids out of the car and into the hospital...which I managed with expert precision! Yahtzee!! The true test of my mom capabilities always occurs when speech therapy is over. For some reason Bug always tests me in front of the therapist. Today I failed. Big time failure. In front of a waiting room full of other mothers, I FAILED. Bug threw a humongous tantrum and if my memory (which is slightly blurry) serves me correctly, there was a chair involved this time and Al's carseat. The chair slid across the room and the carseat flipped over while the other moms whispered about how difficult it can be for an older child to adjust to the new baby. Meanwhile, I tried to collect my things while Bug grabbed his sister's arm and tried to bend it backwards. Imagine this, the therapist tried to manage Bug's temper along with another mom (sounds bad but we know her from being at speech therapy every Monday) AND I tried to do my motherly part. It was ugly, u-g-l-y.

I'm sure you're wondering how I maneuvered my precious child into the truck, right? I held his hand and squeezed it tight. This seemed to work. It worked today anyway. I'm just so shocked by his behavior. He's always so great with Al at home and in restaurants and even in the car. He always holds her hand and plays music for her when she cries. I really hope he's just adjusting to Al getting some of the attention that is usually all for him at therapy. I guess I'll find out when we go back on Wednesday. That is, if they let us back in.

Would you like to know what had me almost giggling while Bug destroyed the waiting room? I sure as hell hope my cabbage leaves don't fall out of my shirt right now. Although, it would take everyone's mind off my child being really obnoxious.

After all the fit throwing, I had low blood sugar and had to make a mad dash for McDonald's. Of course I earned a Starbuck's latte after my embarrassing morning. Starbuck's still makes it all better.

At 2 in the morning

2008-04-26T03:11:00.000-04:00

I've been awake since 11:30. Yes, I was up with the baby at 11:30 but she's not the reason I'm still awake at 2:12 AM. Yesterday (Saturday) was 'B' day. That's 'B' for boobie. I decided to stop breastfeeding for so many reasons. The number one reason being I want to hold my baby without suffering a plugged duct (most usually several plugged ducts in each breast). I gave it the ole college try and now I'm over it. Totally and completely over it. Yes, I feel a little sad that Big Al won't have the same experience her brother did as an infant. Honestly though, holding her little body close to mine would be nice.

I've obviously never quit the breastfeeding thing cold turkey so I called my doctor's office for some advice. First, I was prescribed a birth control pill. These help reduce milk production. The nurse also gave me the age old secret of inserting cold cabbage leaves in your very tight fitting sports bra. Of course I kept thinking that in this day and age why can't we come up with something better than cabbage leaves? You had better believe I bought the biggest, healthiest looking cabbage in the store. When life gives you cabbage, stuff it in your bra. -That's my motto these days.

All day long I actually looked forward to 'B' day. I'm ready to leave the house without returning two hours later in pain because my hospital grade breast pump didn't come with a rechargable battery pack. Once again, OVER IT. I've googled 'stop breastfeeeding' and knew the painful part of the whole process could last 24 - 48 hours. That's just the painful process, the entire process could take weeks. I truly felt ready to endure.

So here it is 2:23 AM and I'm still awake. After enduring two painfully engorged boobies I decided to google 'stop breastfeeding' again. This time I found articles encouraging women to pump a little bit to relieve the painful engorgement pressure. Now the milk reduction process may take 2-3 weeks to complete but I feel so much better about it. I always thought I had a high pain tolerance but I do NOT. The four hours I suffered tonight was way worse than the entire first week recovering from a c-section. Why isn't there a better alternative? Apparently there is, but it's not FDA approved. I'll stick with my cabbage leaves for now.

Three weeks in review

2008-04-18T09:55:00.000-04:00

March 28th - had a baby.

March 31 - home from hospital.

March 31 - April 5 - In laws living with us to help with Bug and baby. Yay!

April 5 - 11 - Sister and grandparents drove down from MO to help with Bug and baby. Yay! I was still recuperating but feeling well enough to have lunch with my sis and do a little shopping. Double yay!

April 11- 17 - Mom flew in from MO to help with Bug and baby. Yay! Yay! I felt much better and went to the Fish House for lunch where we celebrated baby's birth with a bottle of Conundrum. So much for not drinking for a while after birthing a baby. I'm fickle. We also shopped a LOT.

April 18 - May 1 - In-laws are on their way over to help with Bug and baby. I'm exhausted from my visitors. I think I was supposed to rest instead of shop. Birthing babies can't slow down a die hard shopping girl.

In the chaos of visitors Bug also came down with a horrendous allergy thing along with pink eye. It's been fun keeping him away from the new baby. It's also been fun washing every single thing he touches.

Is anyone wondering how Bug feels about his new sis? He adores her. If she cries in the car he says, "Don't cry baby A". Then he holds her hand. If she really starts screaming he says, "Shut UP Baby A!!!!". This cracks me up every time.

The newest and best yet Bug phrase...are you ready for this one?

"Suck it Nazi." Yep, you read that correctly. He's actually saying Suck it, yahtzee but yahtzee sounds just like Nazi. He likes to scream this in public just to watch his mama cringe. He learned suck it from his pop and yahtzee from Aunt J. I just keep thinking...and now I have two.

Baby Update

2008-03-24T14:53:00.000-04:00

Still no baby but I feel much better. The medications have helped immensely. I have a voice again. (Although some members of my family liked the muted version better, I'm happy to have my voice back.) I'm still not sleeping due the the hacking cough but today seems better. Hopefully tonight will bring some much needed sleep.

To wrap things up, I could physically and mentally have a baby today (if she decides she's ready). I'd much rather wait until tomorrow or the next day but I realize it's not really up to me.

No babies please!!!!

2008-03-22T20:50:00.000-04:00

The past two days of my life explained below-

Racking, hacking cough
Slightly stuffy nose
Aching ribs from the racking, hacking cough
Headache also from the racking and hacking
No sleep, yep from the above mentioned r & h cough
No voice, yep you got it r & h

I'm so tired. I can't have a baby right now. The scary thing is that things are progressing as I write. ARG! I actually called the doctor on call to request something, anything for my out of control allergies. He (thankfully) called in a steroid Z-pack thing and an antibiotic. I pray it kicks in this evening so I can SLEEP. All I want to do is sleep, sleep, sleeeeep.

So please, no babies for at least one day. Monday works great for me.

Side note- Does anyone know how difficult it is to rack and hack while in the 38th week of pregnancy? Thank goodness I practiced my Kegels.

I had a dream

2008-03-20T11:18:00.000-04:00

Last night I dreamed a crazy dream. While visiting a friend I sang back up for Amy Poehler on Saturday Night Live. I even played the guitar. It was a crazy guitar with an old power cord running through it. Apparently this made it an 'electric' guitar?? The craziest part of the whole dream revolved around me playing an instrument AND singing AND doing it well. I'm not instrumental at all and my singing voice is hideous. People liked me in this dream...as a singer.

Zingers

2008-03-08T09:03:00.000-05:00

Ah, Bargain Sale.

I worked yesterday from 10 AM until 5 Pm. Chaos would be the perfect description. Five minutes before the doors opened, one of our clothing racks collapsed. What a mess. We had to delay opening by about ten minutes. Of course the delay upset the masses.

The doors opened. People ran inside. Literally RAN. The Jolo's always cheer, hoot and holler when we open the doors for the first time. I heard cheering and then a few screams as my fellow JoLo's ran for cover from the ensuing bargain buyers. I decided to hang out in housewares to help the one person working that section. OMG. Keep in mind I'm 36 weeks pregnant. People told me to work faster. They needed to move on. Since it was still early in the day, I thought these comments were comical.

Fast forward to 2 PM. Chatty Kathy in the clothing section searches for dressy clothing to wear on an upcoming cruise. She noticed the pregnant belly which made her think of her sister's four pregnancies. She proceeded to tell me deep, dark sister secrets because, "you don't know my sister and probably won't ever meet her". Apparently her sister had four c-sections because she had "THE HERPES". Yikes.

Move on to 4 PM. While helping out in the shoe section a guy walked up and asked if we had any 12 1/2 sizes. I noticed that he was a little slow so I smiled politely and pointed out the men's section. I said if we had any he would find them there. His vehement reply, "well, you're useless aren't you?". That was my snapping point. My response, "maybe you should move along NOW".

I won't even go into all the bickering over $1. Yep, $1.

I was not the only JoLo to meet extremely rude shoppers. One woman shopped for a good hour and complained about everything. She then proceeded to the check out line and complained about the wait. At the cashier, she complained about our sale and fire safety rules. Out in the parking lot she called the fire department and complained about her life being in danger while shopping our sale. The fire chief showed up and wanted to shut us down. Two JoLo's talked to him for a good hour and explained what a complete bitch the woman was. The chief gave us a warning and left.

I should have been at the sale today by 6 AM but last night I experienced extreme pregnancy pressure. I don't think they were contractions but I do think Big Al moved into delivery position. I no longer feel feet up in my rib cage but now feel constant pressure on my bladder. Yay. Every time I stand up, I pray my bladder doesn't give out on me. I'm taking the day off and I think I deserve it. Feet are up and I'm hoping to make it three more weeks.

Befriend your trashcan people!

2008-03-05T21:40:00.000-05:00

As I've mentioned before, I'm working this whole week on the Bargain Sale committee through the Jolo's. (I asked for it therefore this is my placement for the year.) Bargain Sale is a huge garage sale. All of the items for sale have been donated by fellow Jolo's. Most people donate things that are clean, brand new, in style, not broken, or something they would not be embarrassed for their friends to buy.

Then there are those people who donate complete crap. I crack up at the people who pre-price their donated goods, even though we asked them not to. They ALWAYS think their junk is super valuable. Really people, who would pay $30 for a beat up, cracked, crappy desk from the 60's? NOBODY. And who donates a used bra? Do you really think someone will buy your old bra and wear it? I'll tell you who donates a used bra, the same person who donated her daughter's Barbie underwear. Yuck. All of these things went in the trash. Why are people afraid of their own trash cans? Toss it people, just toss it.

Don't even get me started on the shoes. Jeez. Some guy got really snooty about his wife's Italian shoes. They were lace and decades old. He would've really scoffed after watching me pitch them. Then there's the mom who donates her daughter's worn out, cheap flip flops. Nobody wants them! I definitely don't want to have to touch them but I will. Just long enough to toss them in the trash can.

What goes through their brains when they decide to donate these things? The Bargain Sale is actually for a really good cause. Most all of the money earned goes back to the community in the form of grants. Personally, I like Bargain Sale because of the people coming in to buy from us. Most of them can't afford brand new things and this sale is like Christmas for them. I refuse to mark up prices too high. I want them to be able to afford several things instead of just one or two things. I also refuse to insult them by offering used bras or worn out shoes. What an insult.

Oops, I'm an idiot!

2008-03-04T12:23:00.001-05:00

I know I've mentioned my problem with confusing words. Last Saturday night I mixed up a person. We were at a restuarant and I saw this girl I thought I knew. I spoke to her like I knew her - because I thought I did. After a few minutes she introduced herself to me. My face instantly burned bright red. I've never made the mistake of confusing people. She was extremely nice and I learned she's a fellow JoLo. Maybe that's why she looked so familiar. Still, I felt like an idiot. In fact, I still feel like an idiot! But really, what's the alternative? Next time I think I know someone but I'm not sure, do I pass them with a smile and risk seeming bitchy? What do you do in these situations?

You've got what?

2008-02-29T15:11:00.000-05:00

Bug and I had to run some errands at a few of our local schools for the JoLo's today. The first two schools were super cute. Small, well kept schools near the water.

The third school was much bigger and probably a little bit older (not so pretty). When we got out of the car to start our search for the one unlocked door, we noticed the sheriff's helicopter flying over head. We watched, Bug waved.

We found the well-hidden front door and took our business inside. Bug proceeded to come extremely close to knocking over the school's piggy bank as he screamed, "MONDY". Luckily, the office workers thought this was funny. They did not notice his wet pants, I did. I was absolutely mortified until I remembered him saying, "oh, no" and then throwing his empty cup into the front seat. Thank goodness the wet pants were caused by water and not urine. Camo pants hide a LOT!

As we walked out of the building we noticed a strange looking man. He was dirty, but didn't really look homeless. The first thought in my mind was janitor but he wasn't in a uniform AND he had bad teeth. Something just didn't seem right. Then Bug started jumping up and down because the sheriff's helicopter was still circling over the school. Hmmm, not really normal. The guy smiled at us, backed away from us and said, "don't come any closer, I've got it". Okay. I immediately think of snakes and responded with, "you've got what exactly?". He smiled again and just said, "I've got what everybody else has". I don't know what 'it' is but I know it's not good. Bug and I ran back to the car and jumped in. We also immediately wiped our hands with antibacterial wipes. Who knows what 'it' could be. Flu, maybe? Why was he smiling about having the flu?

As we left the school area, we noticed many police cars in the area. Maybe the helicopter and the police cars were just a coincidence. I felt like I was in 'Dawn of the Dead' or some other wierd horror movie. I now know why it's so difficult to find the one unlocked door at schools. I personally think all doors should be locked and we should have to press a call button to get inside.

Up to my elbows in it.

2008-02-28T20:56:00.001-05:00

Please tell me this happens to other people...

If I had to use one word to describe this week, it would be crap. I don't even mean I've had a crappy week. I mean I've been knee deep in it. I can't escape it. It's not fair.

Monday-
Bug and I played outside off and on all day. It was a beautiful sunny and warm day. Bug loves to collect rocks in buckets and just carry them around the yard. While collecting his rocks, he accidentally picked up a piece of dog poo. Of course I screamed for him to put it down which scared him. Now every rock he sees is 'pooop'.

A few days ago-
Bug and I were eating our breakfast when Bug said, "Shhhoooweeee mama". I investigated the awful smell. One of the little dogs sought revenge by going #2 on my living room rug. He sought revenge because I chased him out of his brother's food bowl. (On a side note- miniature dachshunds are annoyingly intelligent and equally devious.) Okay, so I clean up the mega mess. In all honesty, I did wait about 15 minutes hoping that Jas would wake up and clean it for me. He didn't. It was so awful, I cried over it. My banana oats went into the trash as well because my appetite was just gone.

Today-
My mother in law* watched Bug for me while I got my hair cut. They played and had a great time. She put him down for a nap without his pants on. Yep, he pooed in his diaper and then took it off and tossed it out into the hallway. As far as I can tell, he then sat all over his room with a dirty bum. The rocking chair really took one for the team, as well as his table and the carpet. I found him asleep in the floor half naked. It took three baths to get him totally clean again. And another 45 minutes of scrubbing his room with a toothbrush.

I really think I've been through enough this week. I don't know what I did to deserve this nastiness but I honestly think I've paid my dues.

*This is by no means her fault. I noticed the lack of pants last time and forgot to warn her. I definitely won't forget this time.

Inappropriate to sing out loud

2008-02-24T20:57:00.000-05:00

If you know me very well at all, you will know that I am a huge DMB fan. I own all the cds. I know all the songs. I try very hard to see him perform in StL every summer. When he says, "you all smell good tonight", I know he's speaking to me. Okay, just kidding. I don't want to scare anyone. I'm not that kind of fan.

But really, I listen to his music a lot. Recently, I've been listening to the newest cd (Live at Piedmont Park). It's great and full of new and old music. The Cornbread song has been stuck in my head for days. I didn't really realize that I was singing parts of it out loud but I have been. I just thought about what I was singing and it's inappropriate to sing out loud! Especially around my son. I can't even bring myself to type out some of the lyrics (blushing just thinking about it). I'll give you a hint....lots of talk about flowers opening up. Let's just hope Bug hasn't been listening to the mama sing.

My week in review...

2008-02-23T20:34:00.000-05:00

Allergies are kicking my butt right now. I don't know which flowering tree is killing me but I'd like it to stop. The dry tickle in the back of my throat attacks at the worst possible moments. I travel everywhere with water.

I saved a caterpillar. The silly thing built his/her cocoon on my car window. I pulled it off gently with a stick and placed it in a nearby tree. I checked on him/her later and he/she was gone. I hope a bird didn't eat my new friend. Bug loves the 'Very Hungry Caterpillar' book. It would've been fun to show him the cocoon. Oh well.

I attended a JoLo meeting in a torrential downpour. It was at the Museum of Art which is downtown which translates to NO parking with a one mile radius. I had a big ole box of flyers and other things to carry in. Luckily for me, the rain stopped right as I parked my car with a block of the museum. It seemed to be my lucky day. I should've played the lottery but didn't. It was raining again when I left.

As a JoLo (husband's term for Junior League), I have a committment to fulfill this year. I was placed on the Bargain Sale committee. It's a huge garage sale, basically. My job involves all of the pricing/tagging and all signage accompanying pricing/tagging. It's really quite a bit of work. Especially when as a committee, we decided to make life easy on everyone and assign one price for many sale items. Like: all shoes = $2. It's easy for us, easy for people shopping and we hopefully sell most of the stuff. Some JoLo's disagree with our pricing. They think that since they donated these great things, we should charge lots of money for them. Did I mention the proceeds go directly to school grants? Or that this sale has always been a great way for the community to buy nice things at really low prices?? And, the disagreeing parties aren't even on the committee??? AND the great things they think they donated aren't always so great????? I'm sure I'll pay a high price after the sale. Especially if we don't make a ton of money. Don't even get me started on the number of committee members who have dropped out or moved (this week!). IF we pull off this sale, it will be a miracle.

Today, the family drove to Lulu's for lunch. I love Lulu's! It's Jimmy Buffet's 'crazy' sista's restaurant and it's all open air. The food is great, the atmosphere is fun and the music gets ya moving. I had a hankering for fried green tomatoes, fried okra and a cheeseburger in paradise. My arteries may not be happy with my lunch choices but my belly is. Afterward, we shopped at the outlets in Foley. Fun fun. Bug needed some pants that actually reach his ankles. It's sad how fast the boy grows. Starbucks for everyone after a fun filled afternoon of shopping!

Feet are up and I'm now resting.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

2008-02-18T15:34:00.000-05:00

After dragging my screaming child home from speech therapy, I thought I'd let him take a warm bath. Yes, my plans were to lull him off to night-night land so I could also take a nap. The morning was 'trying' to say the least. After all, I thought we started off on the right foot until the world came crashing down on us.

I pulled out all the stops: lavender soap, fun bath toys, lavender lotion, and even three bedtime books. As we were resting in his bed, I asked him if he knew my name. (There was a time when he only referred to me by my first name.) Today he said, "Sucka".

I may be a 'sucka' but he's the one upstairs napping.

Lovely Day

2008-02-15T15:17:00.000-05:00

This is how my day began:

For two weeks I have avoided the cold/flu my son and husband brought home. Today I lost the battle. Stuffy head, runny nose, sneezing, watery eyes, and absolutely no energy.

The coffee pot overflowed onto the counter, into the drawers, into the cabinets below the drawers and finally onto the floor.

As I cleaned the coffee mess, my son accidentally knocked his cup of o.j. onto the floor. Granted, there wasn't much in the cup but it bounced off the floor spraying o.j. all over the barstools, floor and bay window.

I'm not perfect. I tossed the cup into the sink from across the kitchen and sprayed more o.j. all over the sink, backsplash and cabinets.

My day brightened a bit with a lime slush from Sonic. Until Bug poked a hole in his slushie cup which resulted in a huge mess and a mega tantrum.

Word of the Day: Insufferable

2008-02-09T21:58:00.000-05:00

Have you ever met a person who overacts just for attention (or pity)? Or who always has it worse than the next person? Or have you met that person who lays it all out there when asked how she's doing? Most people say they are doing fine even though they have a killer headache or are just exhausted but don't want to lay the weight of the world on the nice person inquiring about your health.

I know a girl who possesses all of these fine qualities. She's pouty, whiney, rude, bitchy, snobby, and really just an all around Debbie Downer. I try my hardest to avoid her. It's not easy since we're in a couple of clubs together. Did I mention we're both pregnant? Complain, complain, and bitch about pregnancy = her. Happy go lucky, can't complain about anything (because I slid past two pregnancy obstacles which could have resulted in bed rest) and honestly I feel good = me. This chick doesn't even acknowledge my presence. Do I care? Hell no. Does she annoy me when she sits around moaning, groaning, and grimacing while massaging her belly. Yes. I know it's all an act for pity and I HATE pity parties.

Hey Random People! Leave me alone.

2008-02-05T21:33:00.000-05:00

It happened again. Why are the best lessons in life so easily forgotten? If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it. Remember that one? I (usually) live by it. Okay, not in my own house but in public or in social settings, I abide by it.

In Sam's today. Yes, in my 31 1/2 week of pregnancy I DO leave my home. Pregnancy is NOT a disability. I swear, it's not people. An older couple approached me. I immediately knew I was going to be angry. They assumed I was pregnant with a boy because of the 'shape' of my belly. No, I politely said, it's a girl. Once again I hear the ever popular, "Wow, you're so big". And then her husband hit me with this, "I bet you can't wait to go home and just sit." One of these days I'm going to respond without filtering the comment through the 'what would your mom think of you' portion of my brain.

They would not leave me alone. I kept inching away because I knew I couldn't bite my lip any harder to keep the obscenities inside. I'm not a nice person. My sister even agreed that she would never approach me if she didn't know me. My husband agrees. With my last pregnancy, I wore a shirt that said 'knocked up'. This time I want one that says, 'I have big babies' on the front. The back will need to say, 'F*** Off'. (Mom if you're reading this one, I'm sorry. This is what I've been reduced to.)

For Pete's sake, they call me the Angry Beaver. Need I say more?

Week in review

2008-02-03T18:09:00.000-05:00

Did I mention that I confuse words? Or that I have a tendency to open my big mouth without thinking it through?? OR that my husband does the same thing??? And my son has inherited this trait????

Highlights from my week:

Me: "Could you turn the volume up so it's legible?"
(My husband was watching a subtitled movie. In my defense, I was tired.)

Husband in Aveda: "Does the man-poo come in a bigger size?"
(He was asking about the new men's line of shampoos. He just forgot he wasn't at home.)

Child: While waiting for our table at Macaroni Grill, my son walked up to an elderly woman and sniffed her, repeatedly. My husband swooped in, grabbed him and ran outside before Cave Bug could say, "pfeeewwwww, weeeeeeee". That's the newest word. What can I say? Her perfume was offensive. I just can't believe we're at that stage. The completely honest, no holds barred stage. Great.

Cave Bug

2008-01-30T21:22:00.000-05:00

I needed to kill exactly 2o minutes waiting for Bug to complete his speech therapy session, so I picked up the Toddler magazine. I'm not an avid parenting magazine reader. I've read several Parents magazines and felt angry afterward. Maybe I was hormonal at the time, I don't know. I felt the Parents magazine targeted really new parents. The ones who don't normally read three to four books about how to get to get your baby to sleep all night. I tried a more contemporary magazine called Cookie, http://cookiemag.com/. I refused to renew the subscription for reasons I won't get into now. Besides, I only enjoyed looking at the super expensive, age appropriate toy reviews.

Back on track...this Toddler magazine was slightly educational and humorous. I read one article I could completely relate to. It referred to toddlers as cavemen. I know, it sounds awful but if you watch a toddler you'll see the similarities.

I watched my own and this is what he did-

Couldn't get a wheel on his stroller to roll correctly so he flipped the stroller over (in anger) and banged on the wheel while screaming his head off.

Any time I press the ice button on the fridge, he comes running while screaming, "ICE, ICE, ICEEEEEEEEE!". He only stops when given a piece of ICE.

Interacting with boys always includes the following words...stop, no, mine.

However, interacting with girls involves the following...stroking hair, patting back, and finally sitting on her lap. Her feelings on the matter aren't taken into consideration.

Anything shiny in mama's possession is quickly taken away. It becomes, "MINE". My feelings on the matter aren't important either.

He's not a total caveman. He's extremely cute, clean, loveable and loving. I'm fairly positive we'll outgrow Cave Bug, someday.

Random early morning thoughts

2008-01-29T08:56:00.000-05:00

A father was sentenced to 4 years in jail after using a stun gun on his 18 month old toddler several times over a three week period. He wanted to make his son 'tough' for his career in cage fighting.The mother initially thought the toddler had a rash on his FACE. She reported the abuse. As an adult, can you even imagine a stun gun being used on your face? What an ass. I'm really praying that child does not remember being stunned.

An a lighter note, my child has renamed our pets. I had a feeling this would happen but it's always amusing to hear what he comes up with.

Male (molly) the lab is now referred to as... Mo or Dog
Newman the long haired wiener dog...Man O
Winki the Japanese cat...Stinks
Goose the short haired wiener dog...There's really no name for Goose yet. He's used as a stepping stool anytime my back is turned.

Does anyone else wake up with a song in your head every day? As soon as I wake up, there is always a song playing in my head. Today it was the Backyardigan theme song. Yikes. I needed to block that song somehow. I used Flo Rida's "Low". -Applebottom jeans, boots with the fur....la la la...turned around and gave that big booty a slap. Much better. I'm now ready to drop Bug off at the Baptist church for preschool.

Spilling the beans

2008-01-25T20:46:00.000-05:00

My New Year's resolution:

I decided to pick a resolution I might actually stick with this year. I always go for 1)getting in shape; 2) trying to be nicer. Number 1 is just a piece of cake, who doesn't want to get in shape? You just feel better, right? And it does make me a tad nicer. Endorphins rock.

So this year I've decided to go greener. Notice I did not say go totally green? Do you know how difficult that is? And not to mention expensive. I'll ease my way into a greener life. Someday, totally green would be nice. I feel like I should fess up to my already achieved greenness and maybe that will encourage me to stick with it. (Yes MB, it seems I am copying but I had already planned to fess up.)

This is what I've done so far:

Use less paper towels by 1)giving the family real napkins with each meal; 2) cleaning all spills with bar towels; 3) spot cleaning the floor with bar towels.

Only run the dishwasher when it's completely full.

Only wash clothes when I have a full load. *This is actually nice! I do way less laundry these days.

Follow husband and child around turning off lights. -Exhausting.

Really trying to buy local produce. It's difficult to do here. The farmer's markets still buy from all over the freaking country.

Stop using toxic household cleaners. *I bought Martha Stewart's household cleaning book and actually unclogged a shower drain with boiling hot water. It felt good not to use Drano. I also use Bon Ami and baking soda for almost all of my bathroom cleanings. I feel better about dropping Bug in the tub after cleaning with baking soda instead of bleach or lysol.

I'm reading Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver. It's a total snooze but has given me the encouragement needed to consider gardening. It might be fun, we'll see.

I'm also cooking more of our meals and using less pre-packaged foods. -Also exhausting but tastes a lot better.

Since I'm fessing up to the whole going greener thing, has anyone noticed how most people absolutely scowl when the term 'green' is mentioned? I have and it annoys me.

I should also fess up to buying Deceptively Delicious by Jessica Seinfeld. I have a toddler who eats hummus and anything spicy but nothing green. It bothers me. So I now roast tons of veggies, puree them, bag them, freeze some and refrigerate the rest and sneak them into recipes. I've made several recipes from the book and most of them were quite tasty. I don't recommend the tofu bites dipped in pea puree and breadcrumbs and then sauteed. They are quite bland and not worth the effort. However, I made my chili recipe with one mushed avocado, 1/2 cup pureed beets and 1 cup pureed carrots and no one could tell the difference. I even used soy crumbles instead of beef! My brother in law wanted the recipe. He loved it until the gas hit. Oh well. The point is this, my child is eating tons of veggies now!

Things I love, Things I hate

2008-01-24T13:40:00.000-05:00

Love:

Bug comments...

Mama mauve (translates to Mama move)

Nana Boo (Banana for Bug)

DOP ITTTT (Stop it)

Ohhh pooppp (Oops, I broke wind)

Oh, No! Bump. (He's amazed by my protruding belly button.)

Sweet dogs who just know when their buddy isn't feeling up to speed.

My new boots...

I know, most people buy heels and fancy little shoes. I've been eyeing these Frye boots for a year now. I love them.

California Baby Calendua Cream for curing rashes and sore red noses immediately.

Hate:

Blustery Rain - Seriously, the weather report around here has acknowledged that Florida weather can be blustery. I hate the chilly, windy rains. Especially when I have to get out in it.

This conversation...

Grocery check out chick: "Wow, are you pregnant?"

Me: "No, I just ate a huge breakfast."

Grocery chick: "That's funny. How far along are you?"

Me: "Seven months."

GC: "You're huge!!! OMG! And you're only in your 7th month."

My thoughts... Dop it* chick. I'm not huge, I just have big babies.

My facial expression...scowl.

I also hate seeing people walking in the blustery rain. I especially feel horrible about being in a warm car while they are fighting with their inside out umbrellas.

*Refer to Bug speak for translation.

My child

2008-01-23T21:07:00.000-05:00

I've been waiting and watching to see which traits my child will inherit from me. So far, he's a lot like his dad. He runs like his dad. It's a crazy, whichever way the wind blows kind of run. -Think Phoebe from 'Friends'. He's a total boy, once again dad. He looks like me but also a lot like his dad. Blonde hair, blue eyes like me but also like his dad. I just want to see something that has me written all over it.

Today my wish came true. While in T.J. Maxx he managed to get his boot and bottom stuck in the cart. You're wondering how that is possible, right? It just is. I thought we would have to call the fire department to come in and take the damn cart apart. After much struggling and sweating, we were free to shop. -I totally feel for him. This is not a good trait to inherit. Any time I wear heels I have to avoid cracks or floor vents or really any crevice. I always put a heel right in that crack and either stick or need a heel repair.

A few hours later, he called me into the dining room and said, "mama, sit". He pointed under the dining room table. So like a good mama, I followed his orders. He climbed under next and pulled all the chairs in so we were very secluded. Next he grabbed my neck. I thought I was going to get a huge hug for being such a good mama but that's not what he had in mind. After grabbing my neck he pulled my head up and banged it on the table. Then he laughed a delirious laugh. I couldn't help but to laugh along because that's all me. Those are the traits that I bring to the table.

Rudeness

2008-01-22T15:06:00.000-05:00

While waiting for the one working elevator in the hospital to unload occupants and come back for me, I decided I was in a great mood today. The child was in preschool, I had Starbucks waiting for me after my doctor visit, and I (for once) was on time. I even had a little trip to Target planned once I completed my appointment. I just love meandering through Target!

After about five minutes of waiting, the elevator came back and proceeded to close my body in the door. Oh well.

As I was leaving my doctor's office, I decided to run to the restroom before trekking off to Target. Just my luck, it was occupied. Oh well I'll pass another one downstairs. As I turned the corner I noticed a slew of people waiting for the elevator. Fine.

I waited and waited and finally entered the elevator with a hospital employee holding a bag of blood and a wife pushing her wheelchair bound husband. The wife struggled to get her husband in the elevator and knowing I can't help pull him in I decided to push the 'door open' button for her. I held the button at each floor for all the elderly people because it's not easy to jump back when that door squishes your body.

We finally reached floor 1, and the wife struggled once again with her husband's wheelchair. Of course I held the button for her. The hospital employee rudely tells me this, "you DON'T need to push that button because EVERY elevator has a sensor". This was the exact moment my great mood vanished. I responded with, "Really? There's a sensor? It didn't SENSE me earlier when the door smushed my body." She looked at me with disgust and astonishment. I wanted to press the 'door close' button as her right cankle and rather large butt cheek exited the elevator. How extremely rude. She's an employee for goodness sake.

My good karma vanished also. That bathroom I planned to use was closed for cleaning. I'm now back to my good ole sarcastic self.

Shut her down

2008-01-21T16:11:00.000-05:00

Since at least two weeks before Christmas I have been in a constant state of motion. Traveling, entertaining, shopping, arranging furniture, painting the nursery, painting furniture, cleaning, more entertaining, lots of cooking, and a whole lot of shuttling my child to and fro. My pregnant body demands rest. With my last visitor out the door today, I can now allow my body to rest.

Yeah, right! So what have I done today? It's barely 3 in the pm and I have shuttled the child to and fro, laundered all towels, sheets and blankets, swiffered, painted half of a bunkbed, and rearranged the nursery five times. My lower back definitely feels the pain right now.

The rest of my day includes sitting by the fire watching movies and definitely 'shutting her down'. I might even pick up my book.

It's time

2008-01-14T15:06:00.000-05:00

For a while I've been posting on Vox, in a very controlled and private setting. I kind of feel like I'm missing out on the whole blog experience by not joining all the other Bloggers. So, for 2008 not only am I going greener, I'm also throwing it all out there. -Okay, so I can't throw it all out there. I'm keeping the Vox account for my personal rantings that just can't be read by all.