You've got what?

Bug and I had to run some errands at a few of our local schools for the JoLo's today. The first two schools were super cute. Small, well kept schools near the water.

The third school was much bigger and probably a little bit older (not so pretty). When we got out of the car to start our search for the one unlocked door, we noticed the sheriff's helicopter flying over head. We watched, Bug waved.

We found the well-hidden front door and took our business inside. Bug proceeded to come extremely close to knocking over the school's piggy bank as he screamed, "MONDY". Luckily, the office workers thought this was funny. They did not notice his wet pants, I did. I was absolutely mortified until I remembered him saying, "oh, no" and then throwing his empty cup into the front seat. Thank goodness the wet pants were caused by water and not urine. Camo pants hide a LOT!

As we walked out of the building we noticed a strange looking man. He was dirty, but didn't really look homeless. The first thought in my mind was janitor but he wasn't in a uniform AND he had bad teeth. Something just didn't seem right. Then Bug started jumping up and down because the sheriff's helicopter was still circling over the school. Hmmm, not really normal. The guy smiled at us, backed away from us and said, "don't come any closer, I've got it". Okay. I immediately think of snakes and responded with, "you've got what exactly?". He smiled again and just said, "I've got what everybody else has". I don't know what 'it' is but I know it's not good. Bug and I ran back to the car and jumped in. We also immediately wiped our hands with antibacterial wipes. Who knows what 'it' could be. Flu, maybe? Why was he smiling about having the flu?

As we left the school area, we noticed many police cars in the area. Maybe the helicopter and the police cars were just a coincidence. I felt like I was in 'Dawn of the Dead' or some other wierd horror movie. I now know why it's so difficult to find the one unlocked door at schools. I personally think all doors should be locked and we should have to press a call button to get inside.

Up to my elbows in it.

Please tell me this happens to other people...

If I had to use one word to describe this week, it would be crap. I don't even mean I've had a crappy week. I mean I've been knee deep in it. I can't escape it. It's not fair.

Monday-
Bug and I played outside off and on all day. It was a beautiful sunny and warm day. Bug loves to collect rocks in buckets and just carry them around the yard. While collecting his rocks, he accidentally picked up a piece of dog poo. Of course I screamed for him to put it down which scared him. Now every rock he sees is 'pooop'.

A few days ago-
Bug and I were eating our breakfast when Bug said, "Shhhoooweeee mama". I investigated the awful smell. One of the little dogs sought revenge by going #2 on my living room rug. He sought revenge because I chased him out of his brother's food bowl. (On a side note- miniature dachshunds are annoyingly intelligent and equally devious.) Okay, so I clean up the mega mess. In all honesty, I did wait about 15 minutes hoping that Jas would wake up and clean it for me. He didn't. It was so awful, I cried over it. My banana oats went into the trash as well because my appetite was just gone.

Today-
My mother in law* watched Bug for me while I got my hair cut. They played and had a great time. She put him down for a nap without his pants on. Yep, he pooed in his diaper and then took it off and tossed it out into the hallway. As far as I can tell, he then sat all over his room with a dirty bum. The rocking chair really took one for the team, as well as his table and the carpet. I found him asleep in the floor half naked. It took three baths to get him totally clean again. And another 45 minutes of scrubbing his room with a toothbrush.

I really think I've been through enough this week. I don't know what I did to deserve this nastiness but I honestly think I've paid my dues.

*This is by no means her fault. I noticed the lack of pants last time and forgot to warn her. I definitely won't forget this time.

Inappropriate to sing out loud

If you know me very well at all, you will know that I am a huge DMB fan. I own all the cds. I know all the songs. I try very hard to see him perform in StL every summer. When he says, "you all smell good tonight", I know he's speaking to me. Okay, just kidding. I don't want to scare anyone. I'm not that kind of fan.

But really, I listen to his music a lot. Recently, I've been listening to the newest cd (Live at Piedmont Park). It's great and full of new and old music. The Cornbread song has been stuck in my head for days. I didn't really realize that I was singing parts of it out loud but I have been. I just thought about what I was singing and it's inappropriate to sing out loud! Especially around my son. I can't even bring myself to type out some of the lyrics (blushing just thinking about it). I'll give you a hint....lots of talk about flowers opening up. Let's just hope Bug hasn't been listening to the mama sing.

My week in review...

Allergies are kicking my butt right now. I don't know which flowering tree is killing me but I'd like it to stop. The dry tickle in the back of my throat attacks at the worst possible moments. I travel everywhere with water.

I saved a caterpillar. The silly thing built his/her cocoon on my car window. I pulled it off gently with a stick and placed it in a nearby tree. I checked on him/her later and he/she was gone. I hope a bird didn't eat my new friend. Bug loves the 'Very Hungry Caterpillar' book. It would've been fun to show him the cocoon. Oh well.

I attended a JoLo meeting in a torrential downpour. It was at the Museum of Art which is downtown which translates to NO parking with a one mile radius. I had a big ole box of flyers and other things to carry in. Luckily for me, the rain stopped right as I parked my car with a block of the museum. It seemed to be my lucky day. I should've played the lottery but didn't. It was raining again when I left.

As a JoLo (husband's term for Junior League), I have a committment to fulfill this year. I was placed on the Bargain Sale committee. It's a huge garage sale, basically. My job involves all of the pricing/tagging and all signage accompanying pricing/tagging. It's really quite a bit of work. Especially when as a committee, we decided to make life easy on everyone and assign one price for many sale items. Like: all shoes = $2. It's easy for us, easy for people shopping and we hopefully sell most of the stuff. Some JoLo's disagree with our pricing. They think that since they donated these great things, we should charge lots of money for them. Did I mention the proceeds go directly to school grants? Or that this sale has always been a great way for the community to buy nice things at really low prices?? And, the disagreeing parties aren't even on the committee??? AND the great things they think they donated aren't always so great????? I'm sure I'll pay a high price after the sale. Especially if we don't make a ton of money. Don't even get me started on the number of committee members who have dropped out or moved (this week!). IF we pull off this sale, it will be a miracle.

Today, the family drove to Lulu's for lunch. I love Lulu's! It's Jimmy Buffet's 'crazy' sista's restaurant and it's all open air. The food is great, the atmosphere is fun and the music gets ya moving. I had a hankering for fried green tomatoes, fried okra and a cheeseburger in paradise. My arteries may not be happy with my lunch choices but my belly is. Afterward, we shopped at the outlets in Foley. Fun fun. Bug needed some pants that actually reach his ankles. It's sad how fast the boy grows. Starbucks for everyone after a fun filled afternoon of shopping!

Feet are up and I'm now resting.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

After dragging my screaming child home from speech therapy, I thought I'd let him take a warm bath. Yes, my plans were to lull him off to night-night land so I could also take a nap. The morning was 'trying' to say the least. After all, I thought we started off on the right foot until the world came crashing down on us.

I pulled out all the stops: lavender soap, fun bath toys, lavender lotion, and even three bedtime books. As we were resting in his bed, I asked him if he knew my name. (There was a time when he only referred to me by my first name.) Today he said, "Sucka".

I may be a 'sucka' but he's the one upstairs napping.

Lovely Day

This is how my day began:

For two weeks I have avoided the cold/flu my son and husband brought home. Today I lost the battle. Stuffy head, runny nose, sneezing, watery eyes, and absolutely no energy.

The coffee pot overflowed onto the counter, into the drawers, into the cabinets below the drawers and finally onto the floor.

As I cleaned the coffee mess, my son accidentally knocked his cup of o.j. onto the floor. Granted, there wasn't much in the cup but it bounced off the floor spraying o.j. all over the barstools, floor and bay window.

I'm not perfect. I tossed the cup into the sink from across the kitchen and sprayed more o.j. all over the sink, backsplash and cabinets.

My day brightened a bit with a lime slush from Sonic. Until Bug poked a hole in his slushie cup which resulted in a huge mess and a mega tantrum.

Word of the Day: Insufferable

Have you ever met a person who overacts just for attention (or pity)? Or who always has it worse than the next person? Or have you met that person who lays it all out there when asked how she's doing? Most people say they are doing fine even though they have a killer headache or are just exhausted but don't want to lay the weight of the world on the nice person inquiring about your health.

I know a girl who possesses all of these fine qualities. She's pouty, whiney, rude, bitchy, snobby, and really just an all around Debbie Downer. I try my hardest to avoid her. It's not easy since we're in a couple of clubs together. Did I mention we're both pregnant? Complain, complain, and bitch about pregnancy = her. Happy go lucky, can't complain about anything (because I slid past two pregnancy obstacles which could have resulted in bed rest) and honestly I feel good = me. This chick doesn't even acknowledge my presence. Do I care? Hell no. Does she annoy me when she sits around moaning, groaning, and grimacing while massaging her belly. Yes. I know it's all an act for pity and I HATE pity parties.

Hey Random People! Leave me alone.

It happened again. Why are the best lessons in life so easily forgotten? If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it. Remember that one? I (usually) live by it. Okay, not in my own house but in public or in social settings, I abide by it.

In Sam's today. Yes, in my 31 1/2 week of pregnancy I DO leave my home. Pregnancy is NOT a disability. I swear, it's not people. An older couple approached me. I immediately knew I was going to be angry. They assumed I was pregnant with a boy because of the 'shape' of my belly. No, I politely said, it's a girl. Once again I hear the ever popular, "Wow, you're so big". And then her husband hit me with this, "I bet you can't wait to go home and just sit." One of these days I'm going to respond without filtering the comment through the 'what would your mom think of you' portion of my brain.

They would not leave me alone. I kept inching away because I knew I couldn't bite my lip any harder to keep the obscenities inside. I'm not a nice person. My sister even agreed that she would never approach me if she didn't know me. My husband agrees. With my last pregnancy, I wore a shirt that said 'knocked up'. This time I want one that says, 'I have big babies' on the front. The back will need to say, 'F*** Off'. (Mom if you're reading this one, I'm sorry. This is what I've been reduced to.)

For Pete's sake, they call me the Angry Beaver. Need I say more?

Week in review

Did I mention that I confuse words? Or that I have a tendency to open my big mouth without thinking it through?? OR that my husband does the same thing??? And my son has inherited this trait????

Highlights from my week:

Me: "Could you turn the volume up so it's legible?"
(My husband was watching a subtitled movie. In my defense, I was tired.)

Husband in Aveda: "Does the man-poo come in a bigger size?"
(He was asking about the new men's line of shampoos. He just forgot he wasn't at home.)

Child: While waiting for our table at Macaroni Grill, my son walked up to an elderly woman and sniffed her, repeatedly. My husband swooped in, grabbed him and ran outside before Cave Bug could say, "pfeeewwwww, weeeeeeee". That's the newest word. What can I say? Her perfume was offensive. I just can't believe we're at that stage. The completely honest, no holds barred stage. Great.