Wisdom from a toddler

BB says some of the funniest stuff...ever. I've never met anyone funnier than my child. Well, maybe my husband. Maybe. In the midst of all the funny phrases he comes up with, he has one phrase he repeats a lot.

"The man's got to do what the man's got to do."

Yeah, it's not completely correct but so what. Since hearing him repeat this almost like a mantra whenever he comes across something difficult or he accomplishes something that makes him proud, I've started using it almost like a mantra too.

It's really kind of empowering.

This is how it usually works its way in:

9:00 most evenings the kids are in bed but I'm still catching up on laundry. I don't usually have the energy but push myself through. Occasionally I use his phrase because a 'man's got to take care of himself too'.

When I don't really feel like working out but know I'll feel better if I do.... the phrase almost lifts my ass off the couch once I've spoken those words.

Or sometimes when I know I shouldn't have a piece of chocolate but denying yourself sweet treats ALL the time is just wrong and leads to binge eating... the phrase makes it okay to have one treat. But only one.

Or like now when the kids are toeing the line between good and awful and are begging for a later bedtime. The phrase once again lets me know that I should salvage my sanity instead of catering to their desires.

'The man's got to do what the man's got to do.'

Dinner Conversation with Bug

BB: Is Al my daughter?

Me: No, she's my daughter.

BB: When will I have a daughter?

Me: When you get a little older and you have a wife.

BB: I already have a life.

Me: A Wife.

BB: I want a brother.

He's not giving up on this whole brother thing. Just getting more creative with bringing it up.

Bug Zingers

I had to share (before I forget them).

We've been listening to Christmas music while eating lunch. I don't condone this before Thanksgiving, but the rainy weather demanded some holiday cheer.

"Celebrate Me Home" by Kenny Loggins was on the radio. Bug sang, "Silly Bring Me Home". Next time it's on the radio listen closely. I think Bug's lyrics are much better. We've been ad libbing ever since.

BB asked for more lemonade from across the house (pet peeve of mine). I yelled back he'd had plenty. His response, "I know I'm pretty. I need more lemonade!".

Every day he asks what day it is and where are we going. Today we're going to speech therapy. He said, "That's going to suck".

Me - "That's a bad word."

Him - "I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to myself."

Bug Speak

Since this is my journal...a list of Bug's cuteness.

"Al is a baby. I'm a own up (grown up). Babies can't drink soda but own ups can." He drinks IZZE soda which is really carbonated water and fruit juice. Whatever gets us through the day.

When asked what he could do to help after dinner he replied, "Don't talk?". Maybe he'll pass this tidbit on to his dad. That would be so helpful.

I asked him a question about his vampire bat. His response, "Duh. You ij-i-dit. You iji-dit. Id. Idi."
Me - "Idiot?".
Him- "Yes! Idiot!"
Me- Shocked. I'm going to have to watch Spongebob. I bet he uses that word.

BB- My rap is done.
Me- Huh?
BB points to his zipper.
Me- Your zipper is down OR your trap is open.
Great. He's already showing signs of mixing up phrases and words; a source of constant embarrassment for me.

After being sent to bed early for bad behavior, I was on my way out for a girls' night out. BB comes to the top of the steps and says, "Oh bate (great). I was sleeping and you woke me up. Bate (great), now I awake. I'm coming down there to watch TV."
Me- dumbfounded. He's so darn smart. And really good at turning things we say around and using them to his advantage.

My turn again?

A while back I had a crazy week where nothing worked for me. It seems the world revolved and it's my turn for craziness again.

• I've upended entire bowls of food onto the floor. 
  
• I've tried to make my child happy by cooking corn muffins but couldn't because a household pest got into the cornmeal, both bags. Which reminds me...go to Lowe's and buy something to get rid of pest. Of course I have analyzed the pantry for signs of a specific pest. Based on my astute observations; i.e. I called my mom and described the evidence; it's probably not a mouse but maybe a weevil. Whatever that is. 
  
• Upon calling the gym to make reservations for the kids, I asked to be transformed to the Kidz Klub. Much laughter ensued when I then asked to be translated to the Kidz Klub. **I might have mentioned confusing words and embarrassing myself.
  
• My oldest child now feels responsible to remind me of daily things I keep forgetting to do. I feel terrible for being the cause of his new responsibility.
  
• I have found several items in the pantry that just don't belong there...brand new, recently opened BBQ sauce, tub of butter, and the coffee creamer. 
• Thus I have also found a box of oatmeal in the fridge. 

Not only did the world revolve and dump braindead on me, the kids have stolen hours from my sleep each night for the past two weeks. Unlike others, I don't need sleep for beauty purposes. -No, I'm not saying I'm gorgeous and don't need it. I just gave up on sleep solving my eye baggage long ago and now invest in expensive creams, lotions and serums. Sleep is vital for my brain to function. I wonder, what would the husband do if he came home and found one of the kids stowed in the pantry on a shelf? Could I sleep in then?

 

Scenes from the day

Today we had an evaluation with a speech therapist for Bug. Baby Al and I were allowed in the room to watch. It was really all I could do not to laugh out loud.

Here are just a few things I heard.

ST showing a picture of a boy holding his stomach: This little boy seems to be holding his stomach. What do you think he's feeling?

Bug: When you stomach hurt you sometimes po up. Then you should po up in the pash can. 

Translation: .....sometimes you throw up and you should throw up in the trash can. This was a valuable lesson learned this week when Bug had the stomach flu. He rolled over with his hand over his mouth saying he needed to 'give up'. His mouth was aimed at my face. I had to lay the ground work for future throw up sessions by telling him that no one should ever throw up (give up) on a mama. Always hit the trash can. He listened well.

ST: Here is a picture of a boy with dirty hands. What should he do?

Bug: When my hands is dirty my mommy says, "DON'T suck your thumb. You get germs". 

ST: What do you like to eat with a spoon?

Bug: (leaning forward with elbows on the table) Hmmmm. Let me tink about this. I like to play in the water with my poon.

ST: Can you point to the little shoes?

Bug: No. No, no no. You can't wear Baby Al's shoes. They too little for you. You wear you own shoes.

I was in tears in the back of that room. Yes, I think she caught all of his problem areas. And no, I don't think those were the answers she wanted from him. But by golly they made sense. My child cracks me up. He knew some things I never thought he would remember. Kids are like sponges! I'm just glad he didn't tell her that she has a gina or curse at her. All in all, it was a very good day out in public.

Help please.

Today while inserting Al's carseat into my SUV, I smacked my knuckles (both hands) on the door frame. I do this every darn time I put her into the car. Then with Bug, I nailed my shins on the bottom of the door frame because he's so darn heavy and I have to have a pivot point otherwise I'll fall in on both kids. I've thought about bigger SUV's and have held off due to A) enjoying a free car with no payments!!; B) not sure the bigger SUV is a great idea in this city full of shrinking parking spaces; C) get ready because here comes my huge vain prideful self...I don't know how I feel about being a minivan driver.

Let me just say this, I love all things about the minivan. I love that they are made for kids - sliding doors, lots of space, DVD players, loads o' room for all the strollers I pack. I'm just not sure how I feel about driving one. That's crazy right? My other concern is the lack of 4WD. We drive back to Missouri a lot and I would hate to get stuck in a snowstorm in the mountains. My current SUV doesn't have 4WD therefore I have to borrow Jas's truck.

Which leads in to my rant about big SUV's. Yes, they have so much space and room for all the crap I haul around on a daily basis. Then again, I have to heave (seriously I want to heave after lifting Al and her seat up into his truck) both kids up and in. I have to step up into the back to buckle kids in and then back out again. It's slightly dangerous because I am me and uncoordinated. And it kills my back!

With all of that out there I realize the minivan is the most logical car for me. Will I like it? Will I feel like a soccer mom? Will I still feel like the urban hip mom that I am?? Ha - come on laugh with me! Hauling two kids with my hair pulled back with a bobby pin hardly screams urban or hip anymore....

In the meantime, I'll wait for a sign to help with my decision.

Crazy Thanksgiving

Why do I always look forward to holidays so much. To the point they are placed on a pedestal and the entire week prior revolves around said holiday. Decorations are key and are usually obsessed over. Obsessessions also include cleanliness of the home, perfectly dressed children, perfectly dressed mama, pets in holiday wear, manicured lawn, fire in fireplace, etc. I could go on forever about the mental pictures I place on holidays in my home.

With that being said, I achieved all of these things. The lawn guys manicured the lawn and it looked beautiful. Okay, so it's fall and the grass is dying but it looked like the perfect fall backyard. Complete with my husband in his Carhartt jacket frying a big ass turkey while holding a beer in his 'Hers' beer koozy. ('Hers' beer koozy has a naked Australian girl on the front in a seductive pose.) Hmmm, maybe this is why I try to have the perfect holiday dinners...to make up for my redneck husband? The decorations looked great. Fresh flower arrangements all around the super clean house. Fall wreath hanging above the lit fireplace. Nevermind the log covered with a million ants that Jas placed in the fireplace. Our guest said he could hear them screaming before they died a firery death.

Next come the kids in their cute little outfits. Bug wore khakis with a button down shirt and a sweater vest. Al wore a denim skirt with her mary jane panty hose and a shimmery holiday shirt. They looked so cute I could've puked from the sweetness of it all.

As our guest (Jas's friend from medical school - more later) arrived and saddled up to the snack bar for appetizers he said this, "I love kids. Your kids are adorable. I can't wait to have a family." As if on cue, Bug enters the room with pee streaming down both legs of his khakis and he's doing the 'pee walk' - both legs as far apart as possible while crying that he's peed his underwears. Yahtzee, there's my reality check.

I guess I should now explain about our guest. He's a friend of Jas's from medical school. I personally think he was the 'scouting party' to check out our family and report back to the others at school. If you know us then you know that my husband is not normal. He's funny but in a twisted way. He says off the wall things that many people might think but would never actually say out loud. He's fearless that way. So, after spending several months with my husband and his stories about our family these medical school friends have grown very curious about us. Hence, our one guest. The rest of the lab group had other plans. I think they were afraid.

Back to my Thanksgiving story. Once Bug peed his pants, the whole pretty picture I had in my head unravelled. Before dinner, Bug grabbed two forks off the table and stabbed my leg with one of them. Haa haa. It's a very good thing I wore jeans instead of the skirt I tried on. While eating dinner, our guest laughed a lot and loudly, Bug told him 'shut up!' and 'not so loud'. Thankfully, the guest couldn't understand Bug. Later while we were finishing dinner Bug crawled under the table to practice all of his curse words. I heard some new ones...oh damn it, well shit, crap, crap, CRAP, what the hell. I didnt' know he had added new curses to his current repertoire.

After dinner while cleaning dishes, I ran the disposal. I've used the disposal before without any problems or even a hint of a problem. So it was very surprising to me when the other side of the sink exploded and threw black gel crap all over the cabinets, the windows, the floor and (are you ready?) ME. I had black rotten food in my hair, on my face, on my elbow, and all over my white sweater. Could it get any worse?

I just can't wait to hear the stories from medical school about our guest's fun adventures with our family. I think he had a great time since he stayed until midnight. That's a good sign right? After the disposal incident I just gave up on the mental image, had a beer and laughed off the calamities.

It makes me wonder...

Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.
Albert Einstein


As a SAHM, I'm told all the time that I should appreciate this time with my kids. I get to see every single moment, the good and the bad. I'm in complete control of raising them, my way. I love it too, absolutely love it. My kids make every single day fun and something to look forward to. So why, why in the world is there a desire to do something more? Why do I feel like I'm not making a contribution to the working world? I wonder if it's because SAHMs are a dying breed. Or is it more likely that society tends to make stay at home moms feel like they are useless and not contributing?

I think I need to make some new friends or find a hobby. I did the unspeakable and sent an email to the Mom's club in this area. I didn't fit in with the club in Pcola but maybe here it will be different. We'll see.

Doomed

There are some days I should not leave the house. This was definitely one of them. This morning I got up early to shower, dress, eat and then get the kids ready to leave by 8:30. We actually managed to leave on time which is amazing. We arrived at my doctor's office by 8:50 and walked up to the door. It was locked. Hmmm. I put Al back in the truck and let Bug hang out in the front seat while I call the main line. I found out my appointment is actually this Friday at 9. The doctor is out of the office this morning. Great. I don't know how I mixed that one up.

As I'm putting Bug in his seat, the nurse shows up for work. Of course she does. There is no way I can just sneak away without anyone knowing I got the wrong day. Did I mention this is a very small office? It's just the nurse and the doctor...that's it. Of course she asked what I was doing there. Didn't I know my appointment was scheduled for Friday? Yep, we (kids and I) are such a show stopper the nurse KNOWS when we're coming in. They know to have lots of bandaids available for Bug to play with otherwise he starts telling poop stories. Mortified much? Yes I am.

We leave. And head for Sam's. I thought that since I was up and ready I could just knock out my Sam's list. Once again, all kids out of car and up to the door. It's locked to everyone but business members. Okay, I have a business card thanks to my inlaws. So I begin the search through my wallet. It's a very short search because I switched to my 'mugger wallet'. I'm neurotic okay. I keep reading about women with kids having their purses stolen while loading kids into cars. So, I switched to a small wallet with only one credit card and my I.D. I thought this would be easier if I did get mugged. Easier because there is only one credit card number to call instead of several. Well, damn it all, I didn't throw in my Sam's card.

I got tired of hearing the doors keep trying to open so we meandered back to the car. While trying to balance Al's car seat and unlocking the truck doors I see Bug sitting on the ground rubbing his hands all over the parking lot. 'What are you doing' is my question, of course. He says he's just nooking mama. Duh, silly me.

I didn't even attempt the Starbucks drive thru with the bus a.k.a. Jas's truck. We just came home and licked our wounds.

Ladies, I am having a drink

I almost typed this: It's Wednesday and I've already experienced enough toddler calamities to last a lifetime. Then I realized I don't even know which day it is. I'm leaning toward Tuesday. Only because the weekly 'Gazette' wasn't in the driveway this evening. Still, after all this discussion of Tuesday vs. Wednesday I still couldn't tell you which day it is.

In the words of my Bug, this is what I been up to:

Bug is potty trained! Hip Hip Hooray!! No more $15.00 bags of pull ups. I'm going to buy something good with my savings. Now, to bring our high crashing down...Bug ran to the potty to 'peeing', threw the lid up (way too hard), the lid slammed into the back of the potty and then slammed back down on the seat. Sounds harmless right? Nope. In the middle of all the slamming was Bug's little (sorry, but he's 3 so it's little) wein. He screamed. I screamed. He cried. I wanted to cry due to the instant bruising. Needless to say the kid couldn't pee after that. He even bled. Can you even believe this story? Jeez. The little trooper climbed back on the potty the next day and hasn't missed a chance to potty like a big boy since.

We worked all weekend on the house. Unpacking boxes that were left till the end because they are full of things that just don't fit. We found a dump and have totally ruined my New Year's resolution by trashing all kinds of things that could've been recycled. Seriously though, they (D.C.) should make it easier for people to recycle moving boxes. #1-don't close down the recycle center down the street. #2-Be open more than three hours a week. I'm tired! But the house looks great and we're down to just a few remaining boxes.

Al is constipated. Sorry for gross stories but she's a baby. There just aren't many things you can do to relieve her. She's eating more than Bug. She even willingly opens her mouth these days for sweet potatoes and prunes. I've started giving her apple juice. I've tried warm baths and still not much of a reward in the end. Maybe tomorrow...

Male the dog went outside today and came in with a tick on her head. Great. I spent a LOT of time online ordering more flea/tick medication. I felt things crawling on my skin all day. I wore a wool sweater and I'm sure that was the culprit. Still. Gross.

Bath time...with 2 kids. To save time and back strain, I bathe the kids together. Al is in her infant tub in the big tub with Bug. They entertain each other which makes my life much easier. I had just cleaned the tub, filled Al's tub, filled the tub for Bug, placed him in the bath and ran next door to grab Al. Then I hear the screaming, "I pooping. Mommy I pooping NOW". Can't I get a little break? Nope. He made it to the potty for most but I still had to clean the entire tub all over again and run everyone more water. Of course he gets a lollipop for doing the deed on the potty so he was up late. Which means Al was up later than usual also. Which means the mama is really tired and needing 'me' time.

After running all the empty boxes to the front porch and straightening up the house and toy room, I'm having a damn drink.

After typing this, I realized I failed to include the biggest calamity of them all. Silly me. Day 2 of potty training, Bug used the bathroom all by himself. I was on the phone and thought he could handle things on his own. Note to self- never make this assumption again. Ever. He came running in a few minutes later and said, " I made a mess mommy. Don't spank my bottom". He didn't exaggerate at all. It was a big ole mess. He flushed an entire roll of t.p. including the cardboard roll. I fished out half of the cardboard mess and the rest must have gone on down. The bathroom floor looked like a pond. Which made the hallway a spillway. Instead of spanking his bottom, I included him in the cleanup process. After drying the floors upstairs, I ran the wet linens downstairs. I should've assumed the mess would leak through the ceiling downstairs. I didn't even consider the downstairs so it came as a big surprise when I got 'rained' on in the basement. Ugh. What a mess. It's dry now and we're renting thank goodness. Although this makes me wonder what is going on with the renters in my Florida home.

I'm back!

We've been in Maryland for about a month and we just got our Internet back. I could care less about the phones (although I'm about 400 minutes over on my cell) or the cable -thank goodness for the Internet!

So much has happened since we left Florida. Bug turned 3 and Al will be 6 months in a few days. Have I lost the baby weight? NO. I really had good intentions this time but there aren't enough hours in the day to work out. What have I been doing? Well medical school is definitely worse than flight school. Jas is up at 5, in school by 7, home by 5-ish and studies till 9:30. Every day. He takes Friday evenings and most of Saturday off but is back at it on Sunday. So, I have unpacked a million boxes and put most things away. Our house is still a complete mess but it's liveable. I take care of two kids, two dogs, one cat and a huge house all by myself. I guess that's not entirely true. Jas does what he can which is really a lot considering the amount of time he has to himself. Still, I feel like a single parent. I'm whining. I hate that about myself these days. Adjustments are difficult.

I love Maryland. We're closer to D.C. than Baltimore. There are so many stores. The kids and I venture out daily to different Targets and grocery stores just for fun. So far my favorite is Trader Joe's. Oh how I missed that place. Bug licked a watermelon (we bought it) and I didn't freak out like I would've had we been in Pensacola's Wal Mart. Why? I don't know but T. J.'s just seems cleaner. There are even beauty stores here, like Ulta and Sephora. Yes, I've been inside these before and am a regular customer. In P'cola I had to use the Internet to shop in these stores. Imagine my amazement now that they are just down the road!

And in keeping with my New Year's resolution...we can recycle at home. Yay! It's really not fun rooting through the trash just to pull out the paper, cans, and bottles that Jas might accidentally toss but I feel good about it once the recycle-ables stack up in the bins. I don't feel so good about the rum and wine bottles though. What will the neighbors think? Oh, that's a whole 'nother story. Me meeting the neighbors. I'll save that for Vox.

Random thoughts here...does anyone watch 'House'? I'm hooked. This weekend USA is running House all weekend long. I love it. And I've got to go, it's back on.